Bondage Pleases You But Not Me?

[napy666]

I have always loved bondage, being tied up and gagged, its been a turn on for me and does please me. Like I am sure it pleases a lot of others on here and on other bondage communities. Anyway my Boyfriend and I, have been bondage for a while now on and off and he recently told me, that bondage does indeed please me but it doesn't please him not anymore. So my question is, since bondage isn't for him anymore, what should I do? I don't want him to do bondage with me, if he doesn't find it pleases him. It also hurts my feelings that I can't enjoy this with him anymore. What to do?

[d3vious.g3nius]

Topics like this rarely workout. We have to take all that you say as truth and yet the accused, gets no voice in this matter at all. Doesn't really sound fair now does it?

BTW, I got to thinking... MsB mentioned emotional blackmail in the other thread. Well, if "marry me first then we can have sex" in 2015 doesn't fit that I don't know what does!

As far as the question goes of "what should you do": it's obvious, leave him. Then you both can move on and be happy

[napy666]

I just don't get why being a Virgin in todays society is so wrong. There are Virgins out there who do want to wait until marriage.

[d3vious.g3nius]

How's it working out for you so far? Doesn't seem to well since most of your posts are about your claimed virginity and the stress and tension it is causing you in your life!

It is your body and your choice, that's not even a dispute. So there's nothing wrong. Since you didn't pickup on it my middle statement was merely sarcasm

P.S.
BTW, there really is no need to capitalize the word virgin, as you do, unless of course you start a sentence with it.

[napy666]

How's it working out for you so far? Doesn't seem to well since most of your posts are about your claimed virginity and the stress and tension it is causing you in your life!

It is your body and your choice, that's not even a dispute. So there's nothing wrong. Since you didn't pickup on it my middle statement was merely sarcasm

P.S.
BTW, there really is no need to capitalize the word virgin, as you do, unless of course you start a sentence with it.

Well being a virgin is important to me.

[Chas Dicks-in]

I just don't get why being a Virgin in todays society is so wrong. There are Virgins out there who do want to wait until marriage.

It's not that it's wrong. It's that it's not expected that someone is a virgin anymore, and in fact the opposite is usually expected.

Well being a virgin is important to me.

And it seems that bondage is important to you as well, perhaps not on the same level, but nonetheless important. And your boyfriend should be able to know and respect those two things in parallel without contradiction. Now, does that mean he has to participate in bondage? No. But does that mean you two should be able to figure out some kind of agreement, since it does matter to you? Yes.

[tiemeupalso]

@napy.its the breaking down of the morals in the society that causeing problem.

[Stahlketten]

I have always loved bondage, being tied up and gagged, its been a turn on for me and does please me. Like I am sure it pleases a lot of others on here and on other bondage communities. Anyway my Boyfriend and I, have been bondage for a while now on and off and he recently told me, that bondage does indeed please me but it doesn't please him not anymore. So my question is, since bondage isn't for him anymore, what should I do? I don't want him to do bondage with me, if he doesn't find it pleases him. It also hurts my feelings that I can't enjoy this with him anymore. What to do?

Sounds like more emotional blackmail and playing on sympathies.

Balance out what you like about him and what you don't like about him. You may find the list you write very interesting.
The world is a big place. There are lots of differences in opinions. The chances are pretty good that any random pairing will not be a good match even though it can be made to work with enough commitment. The question though is WHY commit so much time and effort trying to make a basically incompatible relationship work out?
It seems to me that you and your boyfriend's differences of opinion are too basic to really work out in the long run. The sex thing will resolve itself if you two stay together long enough, but the lack of real interest in bondage games will kill you later when other things crowd your lives and time for bondage falls to a very low priority and both parties are not on their best behaviour as they were while dating.

- Stahlketten

[d3vious.g3nius]

@napy.its the breaking down of the morals in the society that causeing problem.

This is simply gold!

So let me ask you: Is it in good morals to say you refuse to engage in penetrative sex until marriage,
with what I assume is the man/woman you love, but yet... advertise on a web forum quite emphatically how you want online roleplay with complete strangers in the manner of: kidnapping, dirty abusive talk and groping(sexual), which all of you find turns you on considerably?

I'm sorry but, I'm LMfAO

Whatever is going on here, I assure you, it isn't a moral and/or societal problem

[napy666]

I am waiting until marriage to have sexual intercourse. I still want to do bondage but if my Boyfriend doesn't want to do bondage or even role play then I have to accept that and never do it. Yes there is self bondage but doing bondage with a partner is more fun. I do not and will not have bondage friends, and my Boyfriend will not allow me to have role play friends so thats out too.

I just want him to respect me and accept that I am saving myself and for him to stop complaining. But he's brought up the not having sex thing a few times already and each time it hurts me.

[stephanie_cd]

I am waiting until marriage to have sexual intercourse.

For better or worse, in this part of the 21st century, this decision puts you in an incredible minority across North America, Europe, and surely other places. TV sitcoms regularly remind us that a couples' third date is when at least one of the two is EXPECTING sex. You're in a distinct minority in 2015 -- in your age group, I'm guessing it's somewhere between "1 in 100" and "1 in 1,000" -- so you may have to keep looking if you expect to find a boyfriend who's also willing to wait.

I still want to do bondage but if my Boyfriend doesn't want to do bondage or even role play then I have to accept that and never do it. Yes there is self bondage but doing bondage with a partner is more fun. I do not and will not have bondage friends, and my Boyfriend will not allow me to have role play friends so thats out too.

You're right -- it sounds like you're not going to have any more bondage fun (except self-bondage) as long as you're with your current boyfriend. That seems to leave two options:

1) accept that fact quietly, and suffer as a result or
2) start looking for a new boyfriend -- one who's willing to wait until marriage for sex (which will probably prove to be quite the challenge on its own) AND who is willing to engage in sex-free bondage with you. That will probably also be quite a challenge, since a LOT of people (and especially guys) seem to think of bondage as "foreplay" and not as a separate activity.

I just want him to respect me and accept that I am saving myself and for him to stop complaining. But he's brought up the not having sex thing a few times already and each time it hurts me.

Albert Einstein gets the credit for all kinds of quotes on the internet, but it's fairly obvious that HE DID NOT say that "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." (As the links to wikiquote and elsewhere below show, it apparently dates to 12-step recovery literature from the 1980's. But for someone who wants to share a pithy quote, which sounds better -- quoting Einstein or quoting Narcotics Anonymous?)*

Anyhow -- you've had this conversation with your boyfriend repeatedly, and from here it seems like he understands your point of view each time, UNTIL the next time you have the same conversation!

It looks like you can 1) continue to have the same conversation in the faint hope that there WILL eventually be a different result, or
2) you can break it off with him and try to find another boyfriend who WILL understand and accept your views on pre-marital sex, or
3) you can change your own attitude towards pre-marital sex, which is obviously something that you feel strongly about and don't want to do.

Option #2 seems to make the most sense, but that will lead to another dilemma: your ideal boyfriend is probably somewhere on Christian Mingle (dot) com, where many members have at least heard about "no sex until after marriage," but where most don't seem to be into BDSM whatsoever. On the other hand, YOUR personal bondage desires seem to be best suited for other sites where most of the guys want to have sex on the first date, if not before!


* http://www.news.hypercrit.net/2012/11/1 ... -say-that/
http://www.salon.com/2013/08/06/the_def ... _all_time/
https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Narcotics_Anonymous

[napy666]

I am waiting until marriage to have sexual intercourse.

For better or worse, in this part of the 21st century, this decision puts you in an incredible minority across North America, Europe, and surely other places. TV sitcoms regularly remind us that a couples' third date is when at least one of the two is EXPECTING sex. You're in a distinct minority in 2015 -- in your age group, I'm guessing it's somewhere between "1 in 100" and "1 in 1,000" -- so you may have to keep looking if you expect to find a boyfriend who's also willing to wait.

I still want to do bondage but if my Boyfriend doesn't want to do bondage or even role play then I have to accept that and never do it. Yes there is self bondage but doing bondage with a partner is more fun. I do not and will not have bondage friends, and my Boyfriend will not allow me to have role play friends so thats out too.

You're right -- it sounds like you're not going to have any more bondage fun (except self-bondage) as long as you're with your current boyfriend. That seems to leave two options:

1) accept that fact quietly, and suffer as a result or
2) start looking for a new boyfriend -- one who's willing to wait until marriage for sex (which will probably prove to be quite the challenge on its own) AND who is willing to engage in sex-free bondage with you. That will probably also be quite a challenge, since a LOT of people (and especially guys) seem to think of bondage as "foreplay" and not as a separate activity.

I just want him to respect me and accept that I am saving myself and for him to stop complaining. But he's brought up the not having sex thing a few times already and each time it hurts me.

Albert Einstein gets the credit for all kinds of quotes on the internet, but it's fairly obvious that HE DID NOT say that "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." (As the links to wikiquote and elsewhere below show, it apparently dates to 12-step recovery literature from the 1980's. But for someone who wants to share a pithy quote, which sounds better -- quoting Einstein or quoting Narcotics Anonymous?)*

Anyhow -- you've had this conversation with your boyfriend repeatedly, and from here it seems like he understands your point of view each time, UNTIL the next time you have the same conversation!

It looks like you can 1) continue to have the same conversation in the faint hope that there WILL eventually be a different result, or
2) you can break it off with him and try to find another boyfriend who WILL understand and accept your views on pre-marital sex, or
3) you can change your own attitude towards pre-marital sex, which is obviously something that you feel strongly about and don't want to do.

Option #2 seems to make the most sense, but that will lead to another dilemma: your ideal boyfriend is probably somewhere on Christian Mingle (dot) com, where many members have at least heard about "no sex until after marriage," but where most don't seem to be into BDSM whatsoever. On the other hand, YOUR personal bondage desires seem to be best suited for other sites where most of the guys want to have sex on the first date, if not before!


* http://www.news.hypercrit.net/2012/11/1 ... -say-that/
http://www.salon.com/2013/08/06/the_def ... _all_time/
https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Narcotics_Anonymous

What I really want is to be able to do bondage, do the other stuff you can do instead of doing sexual intercourse. There's foreplay, oral sex, handjob, fingering, etc. Why can't my Boyfriend or if I ever dated again, find a guy that is fine with doing all of that? How hard is it to wait to have sex? It isn't that hard, you can masterbate, watch porno, etc. Like come on, my ex and I were together for 3 years, and he hardly ever brought up the no having sex thing.

But I know guys of today, all guys want sex. No guy is willing to wait it out. Trust me I have tried those christian websites those guys did not like bondage, nor did they like my taste in music haha. So that was not doing to work out. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[d3vious.g3nius]

But I know guys of today, all guys want sex. No guy is willing to wait it out.

Ahhh... the victim card. Finally thrown out for all to see.

[Chas Dicks-in]

How hard is it to wait to have sex? It isn't that hard, you can masterbate, watch porno, etc.

It's hard because they all know that they could go and easily find someone who is willing and wants to have pre-marital sex. It is a rare thing that you want, since your specific cross-section of the population is not exactly as common as for example people who want vanilla pre-marital sex. But that doesn't mean you have to give up on it, or that you can't reach an agreement with your boyfriend, or that you shouldn't expect it to ever happen. But it means that you've found someone special if they're willing to do all that because it's so important to you

[MsBehavin]

If you spend your time with this current man you may be missing out on meeting the 'perfect' man for you. I guess you have to ask yourself if you are happy with the situation as it stands... are you satisfied with what you have with this man or do you need more? To be honest you are unlikely to make him like what he is not into. He may tolerate it and indulge you in it but is that enough?

To find a man who you want to share your life with AND is into bondage as much as you are is possible and totally fulfilling

[Stahlketten]

Under the right circumstances and with the right mate, "Tolerate and Indulge" can actually work out pretty well. I have experienced this in the past. I wish there was more of that in my current relationship. If your mate / partner is really trying to satisfy you it is great.

Unfortunately that does not sound like the dynamic being described in this relationship. Indications are just about all to the contrary. "He will not let me..." is not a good way to be prevented from doing a lot of things and sounds to me like he wants to assert too much control in her life.

- Stahlketten

[napy666]

Well he isn't controlling me, you have to look at it like this, if you were in a relationship, and you wanted to role play on the side with others online, how would you feel that would go for your partner? It would not feel right because your playing with someone else, bondage in itself can be sexual, so playing with someone in that way, is hurting your partner. Thats what he was saying by role playing and not playing with other people.

As far as him and I and us doing bondage we will see what happens next. But I am again on my guard about wanting to wait until marriage to have sexual intercourse and hope he waits it out and if bondage happens between now and then then cool if not thats fine too.

[the_bondage_guy]

Maybe you both should take a break or dump him and find a guy who will please you in all ways you want besides intercourse.

[kinkstuff]

- one who's willing to wait until marriage for sex (which will probably prove to be quite the challenge on its own) AND who is willing to engage in sex-free bondage with you. That will probably also be quite a challenge, since a LOT of people (and especially guys) seem to think of bondage as "foreplay" and not as a separate activity. 

Like frigging.... yay! That's what I was trying to tell her in the other thread!

[kinkstuff]

 How hard is it to wait to have sex? It isn't that hard

Again you dont understand the concept of male testosterone. They are going to need sex. Foreplay, masturbation, watching porno etc is not enough to them. Thats why they sleep around when they are single. They dont just masturbate. Just deal with it coz thats just the way it is.