Is he truly a Dom... I need guidance.

Dom/me, sub, swtich or undecided? Bring your kinky ideas in here!
Ixtlaa
Unfettered Newbie
Posts: 1
Joined: 10 Jul 2016, 10:47

Is he truly a Dom... I need guidance.

Unread post by Ixtlaa »

A little background on me:
39 year old woman, divorced for two years after a 15 year marriage.

I am new to the scene. I have joined an online BDSM group in my city. I met a man on this site, we clicked really well, I think he is amazing and extremely good looking.
I am extremely naive about everything, I am trying to educate myself.

today I had my very first session with this man. It was satisfying for me, however, I felt that he did not get any pleasure.
I spoke to him, he said that his pleasure was to give me pleasure.
He was extremely gentle at first, and kept asking if I was okay to continue... which I was... I am so confused. I felt cared for and somewhat loved on his part, yet, i felt as I did nothing ...


We spoke at great length, however, i feel he wants to continue looking for more submissives. Is this normal?
He also mentioned he wants to video tape our future encounters to post them on a site, no face, I plain told him no.
I honestly feel like a blind child....



We had gone out several times before tonight, and every time he asked me to text him when I got home safe.
tonight, after a while, I texted him to make sure he was home safe. His reply seemed cold "yes, thank you"

Now, I am freaking out that he will not want to see me again because I refused to be video taped. A part of me does not care, but another part does because I feel connected to him (yes, we have only known each other for about a week.... )

I feel as if I have been played, then again, I am just learning this world.

Any kind of guidance will be greatly appreciated.

User avatar
Petrajane
Strict Strappado
Posts: 837
Joined: 28 Oct 2009, 15:17
Location: Yorkshire
Contact:

Re: Is he truly a Dom... I need guidance.

Unread post by Petrajane »

Hi there,

Welcome to the forum first of all, but in my own personal opinion, if YOU are not happy to be video'd then don't. There are many others out there, stick to your principles. Others may feel differently, but that's my feeling.

Again, welcome.

User avatar
Franzia
Hopelessly Suspended
Posts: 1337
Joined: 28 Oct 2005, 17:21
Location: United States

Re: Is he truly a Dom... I need guidance.

Unread post by Franzia »

I agree with Petrajane- if you don't wish to be in a video then so be it, that's one of your 'hard limits'. So if you get the impression his main interest is searching for submissives to video, he may not be an ideal match.

You may find this thread helpful: http://boundforum.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=102316

MelbourneDom
Unfettered Newbie
Posts: 35
Joined: 27 Feb 2016, 08:38
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Re: Is he truly a Dom... I need guidance.

Unread post by MelbourneDom »

Do not, under any circumstances, agree to being videotaped.

You will have no control of such a video and once it is posted to the net I *guarantee* you it will end up on other sites. You may not care about that now but in ten years time that video could come back to haunt you. This is something you can do in the future if you wish when you have knowledge of and trust in this Dominant.

>I am new to the scene.

Despite your natural desire to run you should proceed at a slow walk and ensure you are not pushed into things you don't properly understand or don't really want to do.

>he said that his pleasure was to give me pleasure

That may well be true, I am often of the same mind but I am not totally altruistic and expect to experience both pleasure and satisfaction from my scenes and were I not receiving such then I would stop playing with that submissive.

>i feel he wants to continue looking for more submissives. Is this normal?

It is if he is a "player" and providing he is honest about that with all concerned then everyone can decide what they wish to do.

>Now, I am freaking out that he will not want to see me again because I refused to be video taped.

Don't worry about it one jot. If that is the case then you are well rid of him and it is not difficult for a female submissive to find a Dominant, you'll have plenty of willing suitors.

>I feel as if I have been played

It sounds that way to me too.

He's very good at all the (perhaps false?) caring and tenderness but I get a sense that he's really grooming you and the play and relationship is all going to be his way or no way.

>Any kind of guidance

I suggest you proceed very slowly, make him wait for your next date and also set up some basic "Limits":
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limits_(BDSM)

Ask around your local scene and/or local internet groups about the guy, tell him you're intending to do so, no honest Dominant should be concerned about that.

Over and above all --- if it seems unsafe or you have a bad "gut" feeling about something then *don't* do it. You have the right to say "No".

User avatar
MsBehavin
Hopelessly Suspended
Posts: 1558
Joined: 27 Jun 2009, 22:18
Location: UK

Re: Is he truly a Dom... I need guidance.

Unread post by MsBehavin »

The advice you have already been given I second wholeheartedly.

He sounds more of an ass than a Dom. Your no video rule is absolute until when and if a time arrives that YOU decide otherwise. I'd seriously consider the trustworthyness of this man. Do you trust him enough not to film you when you are bound and blindfolded/hooded etc.? It sounds like you already have justifiable doubts.

Post Reply