Your First Time with BDSM

Dom/me, sub, swtich or undecided? Bring your kinky ideas in here!
padawan
Unfettered Newbie
Posts: 5
Joined: 13 Jul 2016, 19:12

Your First Time with BDSM

Unread post by padawan »

Since I have yet to have my own real first experience, I was wondering how it went for everyone here with experience. Any funny stories? Advice? Something you wish you had known when you were still a newbie?

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Franzia
Hopelessly Suspended
Posts: 1337
Joined: 28 Oct 2005, 17:21
Location: United States

Re: Your First Time with BDSM

Unread post by Franzia »

This isn't exactly about my early experience, but I do have some advice since you're a newbie curious about dominance/submission. Some will disagree, but you are under no obligation to do something a supposed dom wants if it's beyond your limit. If anything reaches one of your hard limits, protest loudly and protest strongly.

Just be cautious, slowly ease into this and enjoy! :D

padawan
Unfettered Newbie
Posts: 5
Joined: 13 Jul 2016, 19:12

Re: Your First Time with BDSM

Unread post by padawan »

Thanks Franzia! Slow and steady is my motto for right now. That is one of my fears though, that I meet someone who I might think is a good Dom for me but they are either going to be impatient once I'm bound up or they try something I don't like. I agree with you, that a submissive should have every right to say when they don't like something. In my opinion being a submissive means I'm allowing the Dom to submit me, so there is still a sense of control and consent on my part even though the Dom is taking control physically it is still mine mentally.

But I also read that the Dom/sub relationship varies depending on people's preferences, but consent is always the ground of that relationship.

Hertoy
Chair Bound
Posts: 51
Joined: 03 Dec 2015, 19:11
Location: Keeling in front of Her

Re: Your First Time with BDSM

Unread post by Hertoy »

I was lucky enough to be taken in by a woman my age (25 at the time) who was patient, understanding and methodically worked a plan to get me to slowly accept her wishes and to try new things. I had been experimenting with buttplugs and she had me wear a small one for short periods of time at first, then longer times. Then there was a series of increasingly larger buttplugs, some of which were retained by a chastity belt which were left in overnight.

That was just the start. But this is about beginnings. The most important thing I learned from Her was to keep an open mind and to trust my Mistress. Trust, an open mind and open communication were the keys we both discovered to a very fulfilling relationship.
Mistress ! No ! Please ! Don't ! Stop !

Stahlketten
Strict Strappado
Posts: 672
Joined: 19 Jun 2012, 04:12

Re: Your First Time with BDSM

Unread post by Stahlketten »

I believe I was interested in BDSM way before adolescence though I really did not understand it at the time.
At the time, I was just fascinated with the idea of restraining and punishing people who deserved it.
I suppose my thoughts were sadistic but I had enough sense to know it was fantasy and had no intention of acting things out.
By adolescence, the idea of being the one wearing the chains also became interesting but it was just a matter of occasional self bondage with things I improvised. I even made a set of metal handcuffs out of coat hangers and even picked up a pair of metal handcuffs with the little levers to double lock.
By college, I had picked up a set of "Real Police Handcuffs" and my girlfriend and I used them to play.
We also used a set of keyed alike padlocks and short pieces of chain to tie each other up though I was usually the one on the receiving end.

The things I wish I had known when I started are what various kinds of toys are worth and the best and least expensive ways to accumulate a good collection. I never spent a great deal of money to start (mainly because I didn't have a great deal of money) but I did buy a lot of stuff that I would consider pretty much garbage today. Fortunately the first couple sets of police style handcuffs were pretty decent quality and I still have them today though these days we tend to use different toys more often.

My recommendation if you are looking for a starter set of restraints is to get a pair of handcuffs and a pair of leg irons that use a standard key. Let me know if you need details about what to look for.

- Stahlketten.

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FatherOfFour
Chair Bound
Posts: 71
Joined: 26 Nov 2015, 07:43

Re: Your First Time with BDSM

Unread post by FatherOfFour »

Hi,
my story is somehow different:
- I'm a late bloom, with four kids and vanilla wife (sex in the dark under covers...),
- I discovered one day that I like pain
- I started clamping my nipples, and trying shibari patterns with climbing cords
- Not quite sure what I'm into, but taking baby steps...

My advice is: don't get caught, stay safe, experiment.

My anecdote is:
I sometime run with clamps on my nipples (not in summer, it shows thru t-shirt). But, if I run more than 4 miles away from home, I'm set for a bumpy ride: not able to pull them off, and with sour nipples, every step is a "joy", those 1/3oz feel like a pound...

Have fun, try everything,
f4

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