collars
RE: collars
several years ago, i had a rather bad car accident and suffered whiplash for several months afterwards and i had to wear a soft cervical collar for quite a long time. as i have said in the introduction section, i hve been into bondage for as long as i can remember, but never tried collars. i must admit that i did enjoy wearing it and really enjoyed the restriction of very little head movement. i decided to buy myself a posture collar and found this to be even more restrictive and a real turn on. at the time, i was married and my wife used to love to play bondage games with me and we amased a very large collection of gear. three years ago, she left me, i moved out and we divorced. i decided that i was no longer going to have anything to do with bondage or any other fetish. i boxed up all our gear and dumped it all at our local russish dump.i really tried to keep away from all things kinky, i met a wonderful person who i have now been seeing for the last two years now but over the last twelve months or so, i have found myself really missing the good old bondage sessions we used to have. i went out and purchased a pair of handcuffs a while back now and have gradually got back into my love of self bondage. my girlfriend doesnt know the sort of things that i like or do when i am alone and to be honest, i like it that way at the moment.anyway, i now want to buy myself another collar, but i want something that will be pretty extreme in the restriction department. posture collars are good but i want more.does anybody have any experience with hard collars, i have had a good look around the NBAK site and find the whole thing just amazing, but not sure what type to but.any recomendations ?????the other thing is about bondage in general, where does it come from. i mean our love of it. is the urge to be restrained within us from birth or do we develop it from things we see or hear. i would be really interested in your thoughts.i admit that i love it and i think life without restraint occasionally, would be really boring.
RE: collars
I warmly suggest you to talk to your actual girlfriend of your fetishes.
PART DEMON, PART GODDESS, ALL CAT!
RE: collars
my girlfriend knows that i like be a little kinky and she knows that i used to tie my ex wife up. we did have a little discussion about this one evening when we were both a little tipsy on wine and it was then that she told me that it was the sort of thing that she doesnt like. i very quickly answered her with "no i dont like it either now, i've gone off all that" you see, i told her a little bit of a white lie as i didnt want to freak her out or ruin our relationship. so although she knows that i used to be kinky, she doesnt actually know the sort of things i used to get up to and still do. i cant possibly tell her now. she does get a little daring sometimes in the bedroom so my only hope is to just bide my time and maybe make a few little hints occasionally.
RE: collars
Probably you were thruth that time, but no more.Soon or later she will find you have fell in again or she will guess that (if she is that wonderful person you say she probably has even a feeling for certain things).So I think you HAVE to say her it before that happen.
PART DEMON, PART GODDESS, ALL CAT!
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- Hopelessly Suspended
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RE: collars
I would recommend that before you try playing any games, you should be upfront and tell her. If you let her know early on, then you eliminate the possibility of much chaos later on.At least I can learn something from you splintered. When I get a collection of bondage gear, never throw it out!
RE: collars
I agree with Darkraptor on all things, but I also understand why he throw those out: to throw on his back anything about his ex wife.
PART DEMON, PART GODDESS, ALL CAT!
RE: collars
that is very true Hypercat, i found it very diffecult to get over her leaving me and in a strange way, anything to do with bondage reminded me of her and the things we used to get up to. not the sorts of things you want to be reminded of when with your new girlfriend. i suppose over time i have got used to her leaving me and thats possibly why i am now getting back into it again as its not so painful now to remember.
RE: collars
And maybe, doing those same things with another girl could help you to exsorcize the phamtom of your ex wife.This could be an excellent argomentation to use with your new girlfriend to convince her to join your games. But never ask her explicitly "I want you taking the place of my ex wife" or "I want you to help me having no regrets of having left my wife". It could hurt!Hypercat38669.8438425926
PART DEMON, PART GODDESS, ALL CAT!
RE: collars
mmmmmm, needs some serious thought. thanks
RE: collars
I think you should be honest with your partner. A relationship must be based on trust.
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- Tightly Hogtied
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RE: collars
Splinted, as most others already mentionned; I also think that you should be honest with your partner. What's the point of having a partner, a soulmate with whom you can't share your secrets. But of course, it's up to you when (and if) you should tell her.[quote]the other thing is about bondage in general, where does it come from. i mean our love of it. is the urge to be restrained within us from birth or do we develop it from things we see or hear. i would be really interested in your thoughts.[/quote] I recently read an article that said:At a deeper level, I cannot fully explain why some people seek to be tied up but can pass on a few observations (published or anecdotal) and a wild guess. Self bondage is reputed to be most frequent amongst Caucasian males of above-average intelligence and 'controlling' personalities. (This might explain the reputation of conservative back bench MPs in the UK!). Dominant or forceful mothers have also been implicated. The whole field seems overdue for some roper research. My theory, for what it is worth, is that the state of enforced, smothered immobility reminds the unconscious mind of conditions in the uterus. This would fit with high IQ (as good early mental development would be needed to lay down memories accurate enough to influence behaviour 20 years later), the high frequency of transvestitism (wrapped up in essence of female), and (from my own experience only) the paradoxical feeling of total safety in a situation wich is objectively just the opposite.From my point of view, this makes some sense: I'm a caucasion male, highly intelligent (don't want to brag about it ) have a very (read extremely) controlling personality and had quite a dominant mother.I've' been intrested in bondage since my early childhood (when playing cops and robbers; I always wanted to play the robber who got arrested, etc...) It seemed innocent at that time, but I bet that even at such low age, the seeds of my interests in bondage were already sewn (hope this is the correct word) at that time. So I guess that I'm born with it, and propably die with it too.Here's a link to the article: http://www.unrealities.com/adult/ssbb/ap2.htm
RE: collars
Wow!! What an excellent article. Thankyou for the link TRD.tiedash....
RE: collars
The author of that article seems to have rather a fixation on combination locks and the belief that they are the only way to do self bondage. I know it's a ten year old article and it does have some useful information but still.
Splinted, I can't help noticing your find a friend post, and with what you've said in this thread, it seems to me that you need to think seriously about where your current relationship is heading. How is she going to react if you get involved in bondage play with someone else, even if it doesn't involve sex? And hiding something like that is never going to be a good idea.
Splinted, I can't help noticing your find a friend post, and with what you've said in this thread, it seems to me that you need to think seriously about where your current relationship is heading. How is she going to react if you get involved in bondage play with someone else, even if it doesn't involve sex? And hiding something like that is never going to be a good idea.
RE: collars
I'm with fogane. Doing these things is absolutely not wrong, but lie to the person you love (and I feel you really love her) IS For your sake, Splinted, I suggest to concentrate all your efforts on her.
PART DEMON, PART GODDESS, ALL CAT!
RE: collars
i can't disagree with you fogane, but to be honest, i don't really know where my relationship is going. on her side of the fence, things are very, very complicated and i don't think she really knows what she wants out of life at the moment. there are times when i never really know where i stand with her. if i ask or try to talk to her, she says i being silly and should know how she feels about me. i tell her virtually every day that i love her and i really do but she rarely tells me the same or if she does, she makes sure that there is nobody about to hear. she shows no emotion when we are out and about and not much when we are in private. i am a very loving and caring person, but she has had so many problems in the past with her ex, that she finds it very diffecult to open up or show any feeling. i know things should improve with time but you never really know. i'm just going along, waiting to see what happens. i know this may be wrong of me, but i dont know what else to do. do i give up what i really enjoy doing and live a semi quiet life or do i tell her about my activities and risk losing her totally. i seem to be torn between the two.
RE: collars
You have yourself a dilemma for sure. If she is unlikely to ever have an interest in those things you want to do then you have the choice of giving these activities up or being content with some occasional solo play. I know it wouldn't be enough for me, which is why I'm not prepared to get involved with anyone who doesn't know everything from the start. Finding such a person is not easy, so maybe you have to try and be happy with the relationship you have.
RE: collars
You have a very difficult decision to make. Take your time in making your choice.
RE: collars
now you understand my situation, torn between the two things in life that i love so much. i think that i will just have to bide my time and keep making little hints here and there and see where it goes. not being too selfish but i do want to have my cake and eat it lol. thats why in the find a friend section i say that i want nothing sexual as i love my girlfriend and i cant see how having a little bit of fun with another friend or mate could be classed as cheating on her because thats one thing that i would never do. just a little bit of innocent fun. i would love her to find me at home in an interesting self bondage situation and maybe one day she will, i just hope that if she does, she wont just turn and walk away but there again, i know that at some point she will have to know.splinted38671.1933333333
RE: collars
[quote="splinted"]On her side of the fence, things are very, very complicated and i don't think she really knows what she wants out of life at the moment. [/quote]This could be a vantage for you. I mean: if she can't decide by herself, you could decide for her too.Clear your mind and bring the situation in your hands. GO ON!
PART DEMON, PART GODDESS, ALL CAT!
RE: collars
[quote="splinted"]thats why in the find a friend section i say that i want nothing sexual as i love my girlfriend and i cant see how having a little bit of fun with another friend or mate could be classed as cheating on her because thats one thing that i would never do. just a little bit of innocent fun.[/quote]
That really depends how she would see it. I know I wouldn't be very happy if I found out that a partner of mine had been having some bondage fun with someone else, be they male or female, without my knowledge and consent. The activity will be seen as having a sexual element whether sex is involved or not.
[quote=splinted]i would love her to find me at home in an interesting self bondage situation and maybe one day she will, i just hope that if she does, she wont just turn and walk away[/quote]
Maybe this desire for her to find out will one day lead you to subconsiously make a "mistake" in your escape plan.
That really depends how she would see it. I know I wouldn't be very happy if I found out that a partner of mine had been having some bondage fun with someone else, be they male or female, without my knowledge and consent. The activity will be seen as having a sexual element whether sex is involved or not.
[quote=splinted]i would love her to find me at home in an interesting self bondage situation and maybe one day she will, i just hope that if she does, she wont just turn and walk away[/quote]
Maybe this desire for her to find out will one day lead you to subconsiously make a "mistake" in your escape plan.