About to take the dive... have some questions

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DangerouslyCurious
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About to take the dive... have some questions

Unread post by DangerouslyCurious »

Hey everyone. Totally new here, but have read the site and have wanted to try the whole orgasm denial concept for a long while.

I just started dating a girl for a couple of months ago, and recently brought up the idea to them. They seem to be fairly open to or even interested in helping with this fantasy, so now it's really close enough that it comes down to me deciding to make it happen. There are a few questions I have that I really want to get some advice on, both from the prospective of the guy and the lady in control ahead of time.

Should say first of all that I am used to the teasing and denial thing for shorter periods. Have really loved being totally helpless for as long as a few hours of play, or even overnight in the past. The most appealing part has always been hitting that point of panic or regret over just how desperate it gets, yet having no “safe word” to end things just for the sake of frustration. So, the idea is definitely going to be to explain this to my girlfriend and hope she follows through on NOT shortening the duration or “playing nice” just because I may get in over my head.

The first question is pretty basic, but what is an affordable device that could be found somewhere like amazon or ebay that is both reasonably comfortable and reasonably inescapable? We don't live together, so I really want something that would require as much effort as possible to remove, even if left unchecked for a day or two.

Which brings me to my second question that perhaps the guys here can answer best. Is it really possible with a non-custom device to really feel like the predicament is futile to try cheating? In other words, if you were left on your own for a day or two and really desperate, would you really be unable to find a way to get off short of finding a bolt cutter and removing the lock?

Duration is the other thing I keep flip flopping on suggesting. Ultimately I want to leave it out of my hands, and it will be totally up to her to decide, but what would be a reasonable suggestion in the discussion ahead of time if I have no idea going in what it will be like? Is something like one to two weeks to start too long or too short to really be effective? Would a wide open range like three to thirty days be too risky for you to consider offering for her to pick from?

Lastly, are there any guys here who have ever found themselves in the situation of being locked up for the first time and actually feeling so frustrated that you panicked or were desperate for it to end much earlier than it did? How exactly was it to deal with, and is this something you'd really caution someone new to be aware of?

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stephanie_cd
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Re: About to take the dive... have some questions

Unread post by stephanie_cd »

Welcome to the forum!

I'm relatively new to, and hardly an expert on chastity, but as a relative newcomer to that particular brand of "fun" I did quite a bit of reading in this subforum (and other chastity sites) a couple of years ago.
DangerouslyCurious wrote:The first question is pretty basic, but what is an affordable device that could be found somewhere like amazon or ebay that is both reasonably comfortable and reasonably inescapable? We don't live together, so I really want something that would require as much effort as possible to remove, even if left unchecked for a day or two.
"Affordable" is going to depend on how much you want to spend. "As much effort as possible to remove" is going to depend on what sort of tools you have, and your skill level with them. ;) Metal devices are going to be harder to remove than plastic ones, come in fewer sizes and be less adjustable, and for good-quality devices, cost more than the plastic ones.

The CB-x000 line is popular for a reason -- it's relatively inexpensive compared to many metal units, and it's VERY adjustable. After deciding which size "cage" is correct for you, each package ships with five rings and four spacers, so you can fine-tune the fit.
DangerouslyCurious wrote:Which brings me to my second question that perhaps the guys here can answer best. Is it really possible with a non-custom device to really feel like the predicament is futile to try cheating? In other words, if you were left on your own for a day or two and really desperate, would you really be unable to find a way to get off short of finding a bolt cutter and removing the lock?
A lot of chastity play is mental, and this part is no exception. While some guys have managed to temporarily and/or partially "escape" in the shower, and others have found ways to get off while inside their unit, I personally haven't been desperate enough to try to "cheat." Nobody knows quite how desperate YOU may become until you try it!
DangerouslyCurious wrote:Duration is the other thing I keep flip flopping on suggesting. Ultimately I want to leave it out of my hands, and it will be totally up to her to decide, but what would be a reasonable suggestion in the discussion ahead of time if I have no idea going in what it will be like? Is something like one to two weeks to start too long or too short to really be effective? Would a wide open range like three to thirty days be too risky for you to consider offering for her to pick from?

Lastly, are there any guys here who have ever found themselves in the situation of being locked up for the first time and actually feeling so frustrated that you panicked or were desperate for it to end much earlier than it did? How exactly was it to deal with, and is this something you'd really caution someone new to be aware of?
One recurring theme you'll see in practically EVERY "new to chastity" thread is that people need to work up to longer and longer periods of wearing their device. What feels "right" when it's first put on can reveal sharp or "pinch" spots in a few hours as the device moves around, potential chafing spots a few hours after that, and as our bodies (may) adjust slightly to the device, the device may become looser and less comfortable.

You'll definitely want to work up to wearing it for longer and longer durations instead of making a leap from "a couple of days" to "two weeks" or a month!

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happily_locked
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Re: About to take the dive... have some questions

Unread post by happily_locked »

There are many devices on Amazon for under $100, some for less than $50.
You can always google 'male chastity' and get many, many hits.
Whichever one you decide to buy, possibly sharing your ideas with your gf,
I'd suggest you wear it for an hour or two, then remove it, check yourself for any abrasions, etc.

Next, try to wear it all day on a weekend. Depending on how you feel, try to sleep with it either before or after an all-day lockup.
Then try sleeping in it every night. Always check for sore places, abrasions, etc. Once you can sleep in it every night, it is time to try wearing it for two or three days, gradually working up to a week. The first day you wear it to work will be an interesting one, but it is extremely unlikely that anyone will notice it - it's just that you will be extremely conscious of it.

Good luck! With determination, you can stay locked for longer and longer. I've been locked for over a year...

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happily_locked
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Re: About to take the dive... have some questions

Unread post by happily_locked »

By locking yourself into chastity and giving your girlfriend the key, you are beginning an extremely intimate relationship with her. Be sure you really want to give up control of your sex to her. If you do, it is relatively easy to be faithful and stay locked up. If not, virtually every non-custom device can be defeated, either by partial removal to allow manual stimulation, by use of a strong vibrator to get an orgasm, or an electro devices like tens units which also can cause you to orgasm inside your chastity. Custom-made devices and full belts are almost impossible to defeat without major effort and destroying the device.

I do hope you have truly communicated with her, and trust her completely. What if she decides she likes knowing you are not having orgasms without her? What if she restrains you before removing your device, gives you several orgasms and then locks you up again? You'll grow to want her to restrain you, because you associate that with having orgasms. Over time, if she wants, she can train you to require her (voice, presence, touching, permission) to orgasm.

My key holder is doing just that to (for) me. When she tells me to orgasm, I get extremely aroused and occasionally can orgasm with no stimulation whatsoever, or after just a few seconds of stimulation. She enjoys watching me masturbate and it now takes me an hour or more to orgasm if she does not tell me to cum for her, which leaves me sore and looking forward to being locked up again. Her goal is for me to orgasm instantly whenever she tells me to cum for her, even in public. I'm looking forward to that.

Davina47
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Re: About to take the dive... have some questions

Unread post by Davina47 »

Like you, I'm new to chastity, so I can't give you expert advice but I can let you know how I approaced the decision.

I started from two factors, aesthetics and cost. I Have always liked the sight of a caged cock, so that allowedm me to discount the custom made belts. I also don't particularly like plastic cages, though as pointed out above they offer morecustomisation. InsteadnI wanted a metal cage. These are usually cheaper but are sold with a 'standard' cock ring. The drawback ofbthe one size fits all approach is that these can drop off when you're at the smallest part of your daily cycle.

The first one I tried was heavy, and had a covered end which had to be unscrewed to use a toilet. On the one hand it was a good bondage device but very difficult to wear for more than a couple of days. It did drop off, sometimes given the weight and was very uncomfortable just before hand. I certainly wouldn't recommend one for long term chastity.

The one I'm currently wearing is a metal model similar to a CB3000 but again with a 'standard' ring. Ive worn this for 10 days, with only a break for cleaning. It's comfortable but there are two possible drawbacks. Firstlybit is possible to get an orgasm while locked in it...I used a powerful massager against the metal cage. In itself that's not bad...at some point you need milking for health reasons and thenorgasm is more an emission than the full version.

Secondly it's possible to escape, esoecially using soap or shower gel as a lubricant. I've worn it in the shower and it didn't fall off but I've no doubt it woukd come off if I tried. This is where attitude is important. If you try you can get out of anything not custom made and expensive.

Personally I love that feeling of straining against the metal in a vain hope of an erection but I can well understand the panic that might ensue. You might find it takes time to adjust to.

There's one other dimension. Whatever you choose has to satisfy both of you, so a further compromise might be accepting somethingnwhich she likes more than you. There might be false starts but if you're keen then persevere, even if it means trying more than one device,

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