First story

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Mot21
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Joined: 17 Jan 2011, 04:32
Location: Australia (NSW)

RE: First story

Unread post by Mot21 »

Im a 20 yr old male from australia. This is my first story and would realy appreciate any ideas as to how i could improve my experience. One day i was having a huge urge to be tied, so first i stripped naked and placed on a pink g string. I walked around for a while thinking about what to do. Im straight but i love wearing girls panties. I decided to leave my clothes inside and creep out into my garage outside. Once i was there without being seen by my neighbours, i hope, i found two padlocks, i unlocked both and placed these keys up the back of my backyard, i then locked my house and placed the house key in my driveway. I would have to retrieve this to get back inside and get my clothes. Once the keys were in place i went back in the garage and placed on my ball gag. This is the only piece of bondage gear i own. Once it was on securely i tied my ankles togwther with rope, leaving a five inch gap between them so that my walking would be very slow and restricted. I then placed a chain aroumd my waist and screwes this on with a nut and bolt. There were two short pieces of chain hanging off as a result. I then grabbed one padlock and locked my left wrist behind my back with one peice of chain then did the same to my right. I was now standing, gagged in a pink g string with my feet tied and my wrists locked behind my back and secured to my waist. I then walked outside and shut my garage door, locking it with no key to get back in this is the only cover to hide. No turning back now, i slowly crept up my backyard to retrieve the keys to my locks. I saw one of my neighbours walk by but they did not notice me which was a massive bonus but excitted me so much. I retrieved the keys and walked back to the garage and unlocked my wrists. I then went inot my drive and got the key to my house and thus clothes. I spent about 30mins total walking around chained up in a girls g string, was amazing but think i can improve. Any ideas? Plz tell me. Private msg me for any further contact. But would realy appreciate and ideas.

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MsBehavin
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RE: First story

Unread post by MsBehavin »

First, I found your story hard to actually read from the point of view it needed paragraphs. This breaks up the text into managable chunks for the eyes to focus upon.  Secondly, use spell check and read your story through again (as spell check doesn't always pick up on inappropriate words that are actual (and correctly spelt) words. I find spelling mistakes a real distraction no matter how good the story. Thirdly a good story has a begining, a middle and an end. Many make the mistake of skimming over setting the scene and galloping through the bondage to the end.  Ok, let me put it this way... which is better?  To be jerked off fast and furious to orgasm and have a tissue thrown in your general direction after you have cum... OR... To be tied helpless, tormented and teased, taken to the edge then left to cool off before the process starts again. For the teasing to drive you to the point where you are fighting physically and mentally against the stimulation, knowing it will lead only to frustration once more...... but this time you are not left wanting... THIS time you are allowed to EXPLODE with ecstacy. The bliss so consuming time is made meaningless. When I read I like to lose myself in the story and anything that pulls me from 'the moment' puts me right off. The points I made above are purely my own view - others will certainly have their own - just remember, the important thing is that YOU enjoy your writing. As for posting, you are far braver than most - many write but few have the guts to make their work public (and that includes me).Trish   

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Mot21
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Joined: 17 Jan 2011, 04:32
Location: Australia (NSW)

RE: First story

Unread post by Mot21 »

Thanks for the feedback, much appreciated

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DarkLizerd
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RE: First story

Unread post by DarkLizerd »

Looked like you had fun, but I agree with MsB., You gota break up the writing...I once wrote a paragraph sized sentence. I don't think it counted as a run-on sentence, but it was fun to read... well, for me anyways...But for a story, you need breaks...Now, to add fun, add clothes pins to your nipples. 
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Mot21
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Joined: 17 Jan 2011, 04:32
Location: Australia (NSW)

RE: First story

Unread post by Mot21 »

Sounds good will try it

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