review - Lazy Winter Afternoon

[feline]

Lazy Winter Afternoon

it turns out it can actually be found here on the forum, if you know where to look.  obviously someone posting while i was looking the other way...  naughty naughty...

/forum_posts.asp?TID=1362

http://www.grometsplaza.net/boundstories/storieslr/lazy_winter_afternoon.html

first the nit-picking point, a story should have a begining, a middle and an end, but here we simply have a scene, rather than a story.

now that i have said that, this is a VERY good scene!  i know nothing about the characters, or why this is happening, or how we got here.

but the story is full of emotion, feeling and passion.  it oozes sex and teasing!  this makes this very good writing, but going forward, i want to know more about how we came to be here, i want to know more about the characters, and i want to make them wait longer, and beg more, for their sexual release
feline2006-07-09 15:44:46

[_MiG_]

In riposte:

yeah, i started writing an actual story, but it got to 3000 words and they'd gone for coffee, so i gave up on that one for the moment.

Fingers crossed, i'm going to continue writing short scenes/stories about these two, give some background on them. You know the flashback deal

It seems that people have liked it, though, so there'll probably be another in the works soon.

[feline]

you make it sound as if 3,000 words is a lot *puzzled*

when i write a letter (good old long hand) i consider anything short of 20 full sides of paper to be a work in progress.

but then, it depends on how much you have to say really :)

as for going forward, my suggestion would be to play to and build on your successes and strengths so far, passion and emotion!