Help with Story "The Coincidence"

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Chas Dicks-in
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Joined: 06 Jan 2015, 03:25
Location: Illinois and Texas

Help with Story "The Coincidence"

Unread post by Chas Dicks-in »

Hey, so I posted the first part of my story "The Coincidence" to Gaggedutopia a while ago. Here's a link http://www.utopiastories.com/code/show_ ... ecid/59700

At first, when I wrote the sequel to the first part, I had in mind a story of Tracy taking Rebecca as her slave and showing her the ropes, so to speak ;) It went along well, and by the end Rebecca was amazed by the new feelings that Rebecca showed her, and willingly submitted to Tracy.

And sure, the story was sexy and fit together, but it just didn't feel right to me. To me, I couldn't really believe that Tracy would take Rebecca as a slave despite her complete non-consent in the first place. I didn't think she as a person had that level of morals.

Soooooo... I rewrote the ending. I'm not quite done yet, but the general gist is that Tracy releases Rebecca once she understands the misunderstanding that occurred, and the story progresses from there. The rewrite feels so much better, as the characters seem real, instead of being classic bondage-loving caricatures.

This is leaving me in a bind though- the rewrite is far longer, and is filled with more non-bondage scenes. I want to post a product that readers will like, as that's the point of posting the story, and I personally prefer the rewrite, but I would love to hear your input. Which is better- story of non-consensual slavery :twisted: or of bondage via a longer, more consensual path?

If you want, I could post either story here. The rewrite makes the story a total of about 50 pages, so I didn't want to just post it now. The original is much shorter, but I would have to go back and edit it a lot first, as I abandoned it before my editing process.

FreedomOfRestriction
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Re: Help with Story "The Coincidence"

Unread post by FreedomOfRestriction »

Chas Dicks-in wrote:To me, I couldn't really believe that Tracy would take Rebecca as a slave despite her complete non-consent in the first place. I didn't think she as a person had that level of morals.
I think the character you wrote and the character you're imagining are completely different. The Tracy I saw in your story is a woman who has no qualms with abducting a helpless stranger. That's the only way I can possibly describe what Tracy does in this story. This is no mere "misunderstanding" on Tracy's part; on the contrary, Tracy is taking advantage of the incredible misunderstanding between Rebecca and Lizzy; she lies to Lizzy, and Rebecca is clearly unable to protest. Clearly, Tracy had no intention of getting consent from Rebecca.

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Chas Dicks-in
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Joined: 06 Jan 2015, 03:25
Location: Illinois and Texas

Re: Help with Story "The Coincidence"

Unread post by Chas Dicks-in »

FreedomOfRestriction wrote:I think the character you wrote and the character you're imagining are completely different. The Tracy I saw in your story is a woman who has no qualms with abducting a helpless stranger. That's the only way I can possibly describe what Tracy does in this story. This is no mere "misunderstanding" on Tracy's part; on the contrary, Tracy is taking advantage of the incredible misunderstanding between Rebecca and Lizzy; she lies to Lizzy, and Rebecca is clearly unable to protest. Clearly, Tracy had no intention of getting consent from Rebecca.
OK, I understand what you mean by that. Yes, Tracy did just kidnap Rebecca without a qualm at all. That's what I thought at first as well, but after I finished the story, I felt like she wasn't completely real as a character. I know it's quibbling, but I just didn't accept that she would kidnap someone who wasn't even willingly tied up in the first place. Tracy thought Rebecca was a submissive by choice- that was the misunderstanding.

I suppose the original is not too long... I'll put it here. If you want my rewrite, maybe pm me. I don't want to post a 60 page monstrosity here.


Chapter 6: The Getaway

Rebecca's mind was reeling. As she was led to who knows where, she was in shock and couldn't even process what was going on. She knew that someone was pulling her forward by something attached to a collar around her neck. She knew that her arms were completely bound behind her back She knew that her legs were barely able to move with the restriction of the dress she was wearing and the chains between them. And she knew that she was gagged and blindfolded. But she had no idea what was going on.

So all Rebecca could do was slowly follow as she was pulled ever forward, occasionally turning, but always struggling to keep up, until the pulling stopped. The hood on Rebecca's head covered her ears, so she couldn't hear well, but she heard a faint slam noise. Suddenly, Rebecca was pushed from behind from two hands on her shoulders, until her thighs felt a barrier and she couldn't go further. Then the hands half pushed and half carried her over the barrier, landing her somehow facedown somewhere. Rebecca heard another slam, and then after a bit she was moving, like she was in a car.

Rebecca finally calmed down a little bit, and tried to figure out what was going on. Rebecca figured she was being kidnapped, since she was tied up and being driven somewhere by somebody... but why? Nobody really cared much for her, and no one would pay her ransom for sure. Maybe she was being kidnapped for those sex trade thingies Rebecca kept seeing on the news.

“Who knows,” Rebecca thought. “I certainly don't.”

So, Rebecca decided to wait and see what would happen to her.

Tracy, on the other hand, was extraordinarily excited. After she left the shop with her new toy, she had led Rebecca over to where her car was parked. On the way, everybody they passed stared at them both as went along, some whistling, some just staring. And Tracy was pretty sure most men were awkwardly adjusting their pants after seeing her new irresistible slave.

As soon as they got to Tracy's car, Tracy opened up the passenger door, tossing Tracy's purse into the seat, and slamming the door shut behind (making the first slamming noise Rebecca heard). Tracy then opened the trunk, revealing her (slight) modifications to her van's trunk.

It was a boring white van, the type that looks like a big box with no windows except in the front. And the front was still normal, whereas the back was not. All of the seats except for the passenger seat and the driver's seat were gone, and between the front and the back was a black wall partitioning the van. In the cleared out back was a sort of mini-dungeon: After you opened the doors to the back, there were was a cage wall with a big padlock preventing entry (and exit).

Tracy unlocked the padlock, and opened the cage door, and then silently cursed to herself. She had removed everything from her van dungeon after Amy left, making the back just a giant cage. Still, it was secure and discreet. So Tracy pushed her submissive in and locked the cage door behind her, making the trussed up hottie even more helpless. Tracy then closed the van's door (the handles on the inside were removed, of course).

Tracy then drove out of town to her house- she lived in the suburbs, of course. It took about a half an hour to drive there, and the whole time Tracy couldn't get images of her redhead sex toy struggling in her bonds out of her head.

But finally, Tracy pulled into her garage and closed the garage door behind her. Excited and in a hurry to get started, she was a blur as she unlocked the van's back door and cage door, and was almost as fast as a bullet as she dragged Tracy out, getting her to the true dungeon before she knew it. Tracy led her toy to the center of the dungeon, to where several eyelets were attached to the floor. Tracy forced her pet to kneel on the ground, and the locked her down, attaching her leg restraints to various eyelets in the floor via several chains and locks. Tracy fused Rebecca's legs together with two leather straps, forcing her into a kneeling hogtie.

Tracy tightened all of the attachments, then using the key from Rebecca's purse, unlocked the hood, and ripped it off, gazing for the first time at her gorgeous submissive- and she was even better than expected. Rebecca trembled a little when the mask was removed, but she was still blind and gagged, so she didn't do anything else. Tracy meanwhile simply gazed at the perfection that was her slave without glasses; her long red hair, her pale white skin, her perfect moist and red lips perched around the equally red ball gag, her small and petite nose, perfect for her face, all better than Tracy ever imagined.

“Hello slave.” Tracy spoke for the first time, as Rebecca now could hear properly. “I am your new mistress, Mistress Tracy. You are my slave. You will serve me as I please, you will serve to please me, and you will do exactly what I say, or you will be punished, understood?” When Tracy said punished, she used the riding crop in her hand to lightly whip Rebecca's breasts.

Rebecca, wide-eyed, meekly thought “No I don't,” but yelped in her gag at the sting from the crop. Rebecca, fearful of the pain, quickly nodded her head, wanting to avoid the pain.

Tracy smiled, happy to have scored a jackpot on her new slave. Tracy fumbled around in Rebecca's bag, and found what she was looking for- a remote control. Tracy knew the brand of chastity belt that Rebecca was wearing, and knew that its plugs had remote controlled vibrators that could last for days when fully charged. So, using the remote, she turned the dial up to medium, and smiled as she heard Rebecca's lusty groan in response.

Rebecca was scared of what was happening to her, but had no idea what to do to save herself. Then Tracy turned on the vibrators.

Rebecca felt the vibrators start to rumble, and started moaning out loud in her gag. Rebecca had never used a vibrator before, and the vibrations felt so good inside of her. Rebecca started to rock back and forth slightly, thrusting her crotch forward, trying unsuccessfully to ride the dildo deep inside of her even more. Rebecca was turned on despite her being tied up back at the store when she had felt the plugs entering. In fact, maybe she was turned on more because she was tied up, and helpless to resist, and so let herself go to the feeling. But the vibrator was driving her wild. It was 100 times more intense that the feeling of the plugs going in alone.

Tracy smiled at the vibrators achieving their desired effect on her slave. Tracy then walked upstairs, leaving her slave to stew on the medium setting, knowing she wouldn't achieve an orgasm.

Rebecca fought inside against the horniness welling up inside of her. “I've been kidnapped and I'm tie up by some lady who wants me to be her slave. Now is not the time!” Rebecca thought to herself. But as soon as she thought of how she was called a slave, her horny mind suddenly fantasized being fucked again and again by her owner, unable to resist at all. Rebecca was surprised and ashamed by her arousal at being made helpless, and confused by why it turned her on so much to have her body owned by someone else and used.

But, even stronger was her rising level of arousal, so soon Rebecca had forgotten those thoughts completely, losing herself to the rhythm as she tried to get more satisfaction by humping the air.

Tracy returned half an hour later to find her slave moaning and humping an imaginary penis with abandon. Tracy smiled; her new slave was clearly just a bitch in heat, desperate to be fucked. Tracy whispered in Rebecca's ear “You want to orgasm, slave?”

Rebecca desperately wanted to, but didn't want to admit to it, and to admit to being her slave. But after a measly 2 seconds of resisting, Rebecca nodded her head, groaning in frustration at being unable to cum. Tracy smiled even more; her slave was a true slut. So, she turned the vibrators up to high. Within a minute, Rebecca was screaming in pleasure as wave after wave of ecstasy ran through her body, causing her to spasm uncontrollably. Tracy turned the vibrators down to low, and waited for her slave to recover.

Rebecca felt amazing. She had never imagined sex to be so wonderful, or orgasms to feel so intense. She was tied up, owned, abused, and taken advantage of, but it was sooo sexy. Rebecca didn't care if she no longer owned her body, and if she was now the property of Tracy. She just wanted another orgasm.

Almost a though she were reading Rebecca's mind, Tracy said “Let's see how many orgasms you can have tonight, slut.” And raised the vibrators back up to medium. Rebecca felt warmth as she was called a slut; she had found what she was looking for, and it felt amazing. Rebecca moaned, returning to the rhythm, preparing for another amazing ride.

Chapter 7: The Slave

Several hours and 7 orgasm later, Rebecca was exhausted. Her entire body was alive and never felt better, but she was exhausted from the continuous cycles of pleasure her mistress had put her through. Tracy finally took off her slave's harness gag, and looked into her slave's beautiful pale blue eyes. Rebecca smiled up at her mistress, and said “Thank you, mistress.”

Tracy wickedly smiled back, and said “I'm glad you liked it. If you work to please me, maybe I'll reward you for your good behavior.” Rebecca smiled, imagining her “reward”. But before long, she was torn out of her fantasy with a two-way penis gag being shoved into her mouth. Tracy said “And you can start pleasing your mistress now.” Wanting to be a good slave, Rebecca dove in without hesitation.

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