hello from new york!

Introduce yourself to the community, they won't bite... hard.
padawan
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Posts: 5
Joined: 13 Jul 2016, 19:12

hello from new york!

Unread post by padawan »

Hi there! I'm Padawan, named not because of an intense love of Star Wars (though I do like the series, just probably not as much as my username might suggest) but because when it comes to the BDSM scene I am very new, very inexperienced, and looking forward to see what I can learn. I have recently recognized that I have a great interest in this but I'm not quite sure how to go about it -- meeting people, talking about it, and learning more -- so I decided to join this forum.

For personal stuff... I'm going to be twenty-seven next week, female, and live in New York. Reading and writing are my main hobbies and I am also into fashion, makeup, and cooking/baking.

I have a feeling I'm probably a sub-- a strong feeling -- or possibly a switch. But as I said, I am inexperienced and have signed up here to learn more about myself and the scene.

I'm an avid reader so if anyone would like to recommend any material I would appreciate it! It's nice to meet you all.

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Franzia
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Joined: 28 Oct 2005, 17:21
Location: United States

Re: hello from new york!

Unread post by Franzia »

Welcome! Possibly no one replied yet because we aren't sure where to begin. :D

Yes, there are books and countless sites and even lists of sites. Since you're new to it all, you might try the search function here first in order to avoid information overload. And to help zero in on your feelings, I will suggest the classic"Story of O" by Pauline Réage.

If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask, have patience and someone will have the answer. :)

padawan
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Posts: 5
Joined: 13 Jul 2016, 19:12

Re: hello from new york!

Unread post by padawan »

Hey Franzia!

I've been looking up things on my own, including reading various threads on the site, but haven't used the search function yet so I will utilize that from now on and especially so I don't repeat a question that might have already been answered. Everyone here seems very nice so far from what I've read.

I did more research and found a group class catering to newbies to learn more about the scene in August so until then I want to try and know some things so that I'm not totally green.

Thank you for the book recommendation! I've had a vague inkling for a while now, due to personal experiences, but never any real experience. Something recently clicked in me that "this is what I've been missing". It was an odd but powerful thought and now I want to dive in.

Stahlketten
Strict Strappado
Posts: 672
Joined: 19 Jun 2012, 04:12

Re: hello from new york!

Unread post by Stahlketten »

Hello Padawan,

Welcome!
As far as I am concerned, seeing questions posted again isn't necessarily a bad thing. The population here gradually changes and different people may be responding which means the same question may receive different answers. We all have our own preferences and although there is probably much overlap, opinions and experiences differ.
New York seems like the ideal place to discover BDSM. The resources are there are quite extensive.
The only other place I can think of with more resources would be San Francisco.

What kinds of things to you looking for or think you would enjoy?

- Stahlketten.

padawan
Unfettered Newbie
Posts: 5
Joined: 13 Jul 2016, 19:12

Re: hello from new york!

Unread post by padawan »

Nice to meet you, Stahlketten!

I've always loved living here but I am starting to get a new appreciation for how lucky I am, because the community here is a lot bigger and far more organized than I had assumed and I recently found out there's a bondage shop by my job that caters specifically to women. I plan to go there next week once I get over the "Oh God But What If Someone At Work Sees Me?!" fear.

I don't know what it is I'm exactly looking forward to most but I think overall it's the experience of being taken control of and submitting, letting go of my sense of self-control and being intimate with someone both psychologically and physically. I know that this is something that takes a lot of trust and trust is something I've always struggled with both romantic and platonic relationships but I also feel excited and happy and...some kind of kinship with the thought of being submissive and experiencing those moments. Moreso than any other fantasy.

As far as a sexual stand point goes... I want to try being tied up - rope, handcuffs, whatever else there is - , temperature play (hot and cold, which is funny because I do kind of hate the cold), edging, sensory deprivation, and role play (I role play through writing so I already love that). As I look things up there are probably things I'd be willing to try with the right person, and things I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like, and things I'm not sure I would like or not without trying them (waterboarding sounds very weird but interesting and I found myself thinking "...hmm, maybe").

It's weird because I always assumed that most people are into most of these things, but talking with friends I find myself more and more isolated with my sexual preferences. My friends have far more active sex lives than I do, but all of them are vanilla at their core and it's hard for me to talk about this with anyone in my group of friends. Meanwhile, I've had hints my whole life that this is a part of myself and I should explore it. I'm sorry if this is TMI, but even when I lost my virginity I was upset that the guy wasn't rougher and I had even asked him to be. I have a high pain tolerance and was mad that it didn't hurt MORE.

It's just been... frustration upon frustration, fantasy upon unfulfilled fantasy, and as a grown woman I decided I want to take charge of that.

Stahlketten
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Joined: 19 Jun 2012, 04:12

Re: hello from new york!

Unread post by Stahlketten »

Nice to meet you also, Padawan.

Which store is near your work? I lived in New York City for a while but it was many years ago.
I still go there once in a while (last time was about two weeks ago).
I remember there were a lot of organizations there but I also was much more shy when I was younger than I am today, so I never went to any meetings. I am sure there are still plenty of groups that meet to discuss BDSM and even demonstrate techniques. There tend to be groups like this in most large cities.

The first set of real handcuffs I picked up was from one of the stores on 42nd Street and came across them again a couple weeks ago while moving things around. Handcuffs and even leg irons are not hard to find these days. eBay is a great source for finding very inexpensive but good quality toys and especially for finding antiques. It also lets you stay pretty much anonymous while seeing what is easily available.

I take it that you have never brought up the subject with previous boyfriends and probably don't have anyone at the moment with whom you are comfortable with playing. I believe your method of learning as much as you can and finding out what you like first to be a pretty good approach.

Too bad we are not neighbors.
- Stahlketten.

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MsBehavin
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Joined: 27 Jun 2009, 22:18
Location: UK

Re: hello from new york!

Unread post by MsBehavin »

Welcome to the forum Padawan... and it seems you should also be wished 'Happy Birthday!' :D

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