Submissive Male/ 24 whose completely new to bondage

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Submissive Male/ 24 whose completely new to bondage

Unread postby VirginSub » Thu Oct 29, 2020 10:13 pm

I've been having increasingly recurring fantasies about being tied up and I guess its the isolation of quarantine to feel wanted and valued and touched like that and so I found this forum and hope I could in the very least get it out of my system and talk about it.

I'm completely new to bondage I've only taken quizzes and shit like that and done it maybe twice with my ex and I felt more comfortable in the role of Submissive when I was dominant it made me feel bad like I was hurting her and the masochist in me had no problem receiving it.

does any one else identify strongly with one role over another? can you do both? if so why?
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Re: Submissive Male/ 24 whose completely new to bondage

Unread postby JackVellum » Fri Oct 30, 2020 9:49 am

Hi,
I'm new to this whole concept too. Nice to meet you. I understand what your saying, Slightly off topic but I spent 6 years with severe depression and really bad thoughts never sought help until one day I got so mad at someone I almost (Just almost) hit them out of anger and went straight from that situation and booked appointments for help. I would be way to scared I'd hurt someone to be dominant though I'm not really submissive myself. At the moment I seem to fit in this weird in between wanting to relinquish control but still be an equal.
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Re: Submissive Male/ 24 whose completely new to bondage

Unread postby dsteve » Fri Oct 30, 2020 9:10 pm

I feel for both of you and hope life offers you something better very soon. I can only offer my perspective from the point of view of a (very) old guy.
I spent many years in my youth thinking I was very weird. I thought that no one could have the perverted thoughts I was having. This was before the internet, so folks like us had no good way to connect. I first came to the realization that I was definitely not alone the first time I went into a porn store and looked at the magazine rack. Yes, mags. That is how people looked at porn before the internet. I realized that no one was going to the expense of producing bondage mags unless there were quite a few customers. You have that internet advantage over us old guys. You know there are lots just like you.
As for meeting someone - My suggestion is to meet and connect first. But, don't wait forever to initiate talk about your kink. Start playfully. Maneuver into situations where bondage might come up like watching crime shows where someone gets tied up. Cast it a "playing tie up games", not "bondage". This will keep it less scary for the potential partner. These things worked for me, but I am a sample of one.
So, hang in there. And don't give up.
Best wishes
dSteve
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Re: Submissive Male/ 24 whose completely new to bondage

Unread postby Tesgri » Fri Oct 30, 2020 9:50 pm

While I don't seem to be as 'old school' as dsteve (while I am pre-internet it came about in my childhood) I certainly can share the feelings of growing up thinking I'm the weird one. Especially given more religious backgrounds that just love to make you feel guilty for any thoughts.

It is perfectly possible to be both, a top and bottom (ie a switch), or any mix thereof, I personally am a submissive but have been known to top others since it seems I'm the only one who knows how to do rope work "innately" so I teach others, who then do it to me. :) There is no set rule book or guidelines for how you should feel or what you want to do during play time and if anyone says there is they're just trying to push their own set. You have to find what works for you, if that's being a bottom/sub who asks for a beating because of your masochism then I'm sure there's someone out there who's all to happy to oblige. If you want to be the quiet type that just waits for whatever comes your way, also just fine.

This is a struggle I've recently had to deal with myself, my passions as of late have shifted to a more aggressive desire (or desire for aggression) and there's nothing worse than feeling like you're missing out because you're to afraid to talk about such things.

Experiment, safely, try to meet people safely as well (not just due to the risks of kink with strangers but also covid). I met my wife (who's also my dom) at a fetish party and in about a week we'll be celebrating 8 years together. It was the best decision of my life to get out of the house and my comfort zone and go to that event. These days maybe that event is online, here on this forum or in chat rooms etc, time will tell but I'm sure you can find someone. :D
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Re: Submissive Male/ 24 whose completely new to bondage

Unread postby VirginSub » Wed Nov 04, 2020 2:05 am

Thanks Y'all! I was beginning to regret posting that but I didn't expect there to be replies. Being the only one I know who finds it attractive is a deterrent from me pursuing it with partners, I don't want them to think I'm weird because what I want out of it would trigger a panic response in a realistic situation and I don't want them to freak out thinking I would expect the same commitment then its like oh they know I like this now... is that going to change our dynamic? I don't want to push someone I like away making them feel uncomfortable. ON THE OTHER HAND after deep diving, bondage is probably the most popular fetish there if there are entire pages of porn, comics, videos. I should probably be cautious and subtle when someone else comes along but its not a stretch to consider that someone would be open to it and I should pursue it.
Part of my personality is I like messing with people and taking friendly potshots, that's pretty bratty right? but I guess as a sub you cant really be snarky with your mouth taped up. Doms can be snarky and annoying right? you can still playfully spank among other things I guess that would be okay.
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