Your Buying Experiences

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Your Buying Experiences

Unread postby BondageBaby22 » Thu Apr 12, 2012 3:47 pm

I thought that I should start a new topic in here being as there are only a few.

What are your experiences of buying ladies clothes: What did you buy?
How did you feel?
and How did others react?


I will start: I bought 2 pairs of opaque tights and some fishnets from a local family owned shop. I was a little apprehensive and started to blush at the counter when the lady asked me why on earth I was buying tights.
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Re: Your Buying Experiences

Unread postby gaggedutopia » Thu Apr 12, 2012 4:06 pm

BondageBaby22 wrote:I will start: I bought 2 pairs of opaque tights and some fishnets from a local family owned shop. I was a little apprehensive and started to blush at the counter when the lady asked me why on earth I was buying tights.

And?? What did you say? :)

I think that is the biggest fear for a lot of guys. I have to buy a lot of women's clothes for shoots and I still have not found the nerve to do it in person... thank goodness for the Internet!
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Re: Your Buying Experiences

Unread postby stephanie_cd » Thu Apr 12, 2012 6:15 pm

BondageBaby22 wrote:What are your experiences of buying ladies clothes: What did you buy?
How did you feel?
and How did others react?

I'm assuming that you're referring to buying ladies' clothes in a store -- in some ways it's a lot easier to buy online or from Ebay. :lol:

The first item of women's clothing that I bought in a store for myself was a gorgeous (and apparently wrongly sized) leather skirt at a going-out-of-business warehouse sale. My (now ex-)wife and I had looked at it, along with what seemed like half the other things in an enormous warehouse, and after we left, I made an excuse to run back out, drive all the way back and grab it for myself.

"My wife changed her mind," I told the cashier, feeling horribly embarrassed that somehow she'd KNOW that I was buying it for myself!

Instead, the same scenario played out as it had all the times I really WAS buying something for my ex-girlfriends and ex-wife -- the cashier didn't seem to care, just wanted to get me out of the line for her register, took my money, put the skirt in a bag and gave me a receipt. "Next!"

A few days later, I went back when the entire place was down to 90% off, and half-filled a shopping cart with black high heeled pumps, US women's size 7. There was no way in the world those would fit ME, so I wasn't embarrassed in the slightest! :lol: On the other hand, I was a little worried that someone might think I had a high heel fetish...oh, wait, I do! But I got her something like 14 pairs of basic black pumps for something like $40 US, and as I told the cashier "if she likes just two pairs, we come out ahead and the charity of her choice gets a lot of brand new shoes."

"That's a good idea. Next!"

Then I went back to buying my ex-wife clothes at Christmas, guessing at sizes, and feeling only slightly embarra at buying women's clothes for a few years....

Then I got divorced, got comfortable with my own crossdressing, started buying all kinds of things for myself over the internet, returning half and discovering that women's sizes are actually just random numbers, but that's another thread. ;)

THEN I wound up in another serious relationship, bought my (now ex-)girlfriend all sorts of things from "Stephanie's" favorite catalog/online store, and again wound up buying her clothes in a department store for Christmas.

Armed with my knowledge that women's clothes really are a crapshoot when it comes to sizes, I carried a tape measure with me and compared the measurements of clothes on the rack to ones from her closet. Once again, I wasn't at all embarrassed, because even though we were about the same size, I really WAS buying those items for someone else. And once again, the cashiers REALLY didn't care about my idle chit-chat when I was paying, but only cared about getting me out of their line, ringing stuff up rapidly, what they were having for a snack on their break, and what time they'd get home that night.

That's pretty much when I had my epiphany -- which was driven home again when I worked retail myself for a while:

Most of the time, the idea of guys buying women's clothes for themselves is so far off the radar that "normal people" don't even consider it!

And cashiers, bless their little [often-underpaid] hearts, just want to keep the line moving, not screw up their own scanning and bagging routine, and go home at the end of their shift.

As long as you've got a plausible explanation about a girlfriend/wife/female friend, and can deliver it with a straight face and without blushing, you're pretty much home free!

Since then, I've bought stuff for other women I was dating, stuff for an ex-girlfriend I remained friends with after we broke up, and a lot for myself with the "excuse" that I was buying the things for a girlfriend and/or ex-girlfriend. This fall, I had a ten minute conversation about how hard it is to find boots in larger sizes with a sales associate, thinking all the while of my last girlfriend who DID have relatively large feet (and a bit of a boot fetish herself!)

After years of doing this, I've now run the gamut of emotions from "nervous, embarrassed and probably blushing" to "calm, cool, collected and matter-of-fact." It used to be easier for me to do my shopping during non-peak periods like afternoons or weekdays, but now I've come to realize that as long as I'm not holding up a sexy dress in front of me in a mirror, nobody really cares! And I've gotten a TON of "I wish my boyfriend/husband would buy ME clothes!" and "you've got good taste -- I bet she loves it" sort of remarks, to which I say things like "really? I hope so!" or can inquire about their return policy, which is just another thing "normal" guys would be asking about, right? :lol:

"Just hang onto your receipt. NEXT!"
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Re: Your Buying Experiences

Unread postby Tied85 » Thu Apr 12, 2012 11:54 pm

I've yet to have a bad experience buying anything! I mostly buy boots and shoes and they're always in fairly large sizes so it's clear that they're for me but nobody bats an eyelid. They just serve me and get on with their job! I've actually wished for them to ask something about them at some point so I can say that they're "actually for me" and see how they react. :lol:
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Re: Your Buying Experiences

Unread postby seidenki » Fri Apr 13, 2012 11:22 pm

I've bought skirts for myself and stunned the salesgirl into silence when I said they were for me. Thrift stores are much easier (and cheaper).

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Re: Your Buying Experiences

Unread postby CathyTGNJ » Sat Apr 14, 2012 1:46 am

Sei,

Was that embarrassing, or liberating? I've never been that straightforward unless it was a store that catered specifically to gender variants, BDSM aficionados, or random deviants.

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Re: Your Buying Experiences

Unread postby ruru67 » Sat Apr 14, 2012 3:47 am

I'm not a crossdresser per se, but many "women's" items are of interest -- particularly heels, heavy skirts, belts and so-on. And I feel the same "shame" buying a dog chain or collar .. that feeling that one needs to make an excuse or lie about it.

Here's the real trick: don't do either!

The best way to get through it is simply to present the items at the counter without comment. It's nobody else's damn business who or what they're for. If they say an item is nice, agree with them. If they ask who it's for, don't answer. They've got no right to ask. Personal experience is that if you don't offer, they don't ask. Are they thinking something is funny? Possibly, but that's their business. Are you going to ever have to interact with them in any other forum? Probably not (unless you live in a very small town - if you do, go out of town). So don't worry about it.

Be prepared to turn on them viciously if they laugh. Be prepared to make it clear that expressing their judgement is not worth losing their job over. That's the attitude to take. But the reality is that the only words that will pass between you and the cashier are the price and, "thank you."
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Re: Your Buying Experiences

Unread postby seidenki » Sat Apr 14, 2012 9:02 am

CathyTGNJ wrote:Was that embarrassing, or liberating? I've never been that straightforward unless it was a store that catered specifically to gender variants, BDSM aficionados, or random deviants.


It was a bit embarrasing, actually. I've bought skirts in department stores and the cashier doesn't ask anything odd. They're too busy. But this was in a chain store that women of my age don't normally shop at, let alone men of any age. Of course, I admitted I sleep in short skirts (instead of pyjamas) which I probably didn't need to do; I should have just said "yes, I'm buying these".

Ah well. Lesson learnt.

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Re: Your Buying Experiences

Unread postby stephanie_cd » Sat Apr 14, 2012 5:03 pm

ruru67 wrote:I'm not a crossdresser per se, but many "women's" items are of interest -- particularly heels, heavy skirts, belts and so-on.

I can't help but wonder what you think a "crossdresser per se" is, if it's not someone who (occasionally) wears clothes of the opposite sex! If "are of interest" means that you sometimes wear heels and skirts, that meets the criteria of the dictionary definition.

ruru67 wrote:The best way to get through it is simply to present the items at the counter without comment. It's nobody else's damn business who or what they're for. If they say an item is nice, agree with them. If they ask who it's for, don't answer. They've got no right to ask. Personal experience is that if you don't offer, they don't ask.

As Sei said in his post, most of the time cashiers are just too busy to ask questions beyond "how are you today?" and "did you find everything you were looking for?" On the other hand, standing behind a register for hours can be rather boring, so there's a good chance that cashiers are just trying to make small talk rather than actively being nosy.

ruru67 wrote:But the reality is that the only words that will pass between you and the cashier are the price and, "thank you."

Most of the time, that's exactly the case. In the rare instances it's not, I can usually find another store or another cashier. On the other hand, the cashiers at my local big box megamart superstore have been SO blasé and comment-less about my purchases that I completely stopped worrying about buying things like women's tights there this past fall and winter -- and I probably bought 8 or 10 pairs without a single comment or funny look! :D
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Re: Your Buying Experiences

Unread postby RAE » Sat Apr 14, 2012 5:53 pm

Your money is as good as anyone else is; So go and buy what you want.
If you feal a little timmed, try taking a piece of paper with you with some sizes
written down on it. It makes you look like you are getting something for someone
else. Works every time for me.
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Re: Your Buying Experiences

Unread postby ruru67 » Sun Apr 15, 2012 12:17 am

stephanie_cd wrote:
ruru67 wrote:I'm not a crossdresser per se, but many "women's" items are of interest -- particularly heels, heavy skirts, belts and so-on.

I can't help but wonder what you think a "crossdresser per se" is, if it's not someone who (occasionally) wears clothes of the opposite sex! If "are of interest" means that you sometimes wear heels and skirts, that meets the criteria of the dictionary definition.

It's not my fetish. The restriction is. The fact that the items are found in the women's section of a department store is irrelevant to the uses I put them to. Sure, when I don a corset, heels or hobble skirt I'm cross-dressing, but I'm not a cross-dresser any more than an actor in drag for a play is.

The relevance of this to the discussion is simply that women's items are not something I purchase frequently, and regular crossdressers would, I assume, face this question more often if they are to fully embrace their kink.

Maybe that makes it slightly easier ... I'm not playing out a fantasy of buying women's things ... and it feels much the same (albeit not as strongly) even if I'm buying vanilla items from a supermarket with a view to perverting them. I know that the checkout staff don't know what I'm going to do with them, but it's really hard to shake that feeling that they'll guess ...

I actually worry more that I'll be asked about my (non-existent) dog than if a "feminine" item is for me. The former seems more likely ... the latter requires a level of malice on the part of the cashier, and I figure that people that obnoxious don't last long in any service industry ... especially a supermarket or big-box checkout where jobs are cheap.

I thought I detected a mischievous, knowing look at the hardware store last time I bought chains and padlocks ... but it might have just been wishful thinking ... she sure was cute ...

On the other hand, standing behind a register for hours can be rather boring, so there's a good chance that cashiers are just trying to make small talk rather than actively being nosy.

Yeah. I suspect the best defence in that case is to change the subject. Talk about the weather. Football score. Whatever. (Mind you I'm about as much into organised sports as I am dogs ... .i.e. not at all.)

In the rare instances it's not, I can usually find another store or another cashier.

I have it in my head that if a cashier is insulting, I should be prepared to make a scene about it, or demand to talk to the manager to explain why I'm dumping my purchases and leaving. But I really don't expect to have to. And since it has never happened, I'm not sure if I'd actually go through with that ...
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Re: Your Buying Experiences

Unread postby stephanie_cd » Sun Apr 15, 2012 11:12 am

ruru67 wrote:
stephanie_cd wrote:
ruru67 wrote:I'm not a crossdresser per se, but many "women's" items are of interest -- particularly heels, heavy skirts, belts and so-on.

I can't help but wonder what you think a "crossdresser per se" is, if it's not someone who (occasionally) wears clothes of the opposite sex! If "are of interest" means that you sometimes wear heels and skirts, that meets the criteria of the dictionary definition.

It's not my fetish. The restriction is. The fact that the items are found in the women's section of a department store is irrelevant to the uses I put them to. Sure, when I don a corset, heels or hobble skirt I'm cross-dressing, but I'm not a cross-dresser any more than an actor in drag for a play is.


You're not a "tranvestic fetishist", but you're still a "crossdresser."

An actor in a play or film in drag is a crossdresser, too! :)

Here are some other sources that agree:


In case you hadn't seen some of my other posts on the subject, I take the semantics of cross-dressing pretty seriously -- mostly because A LOT of people use words interchangeably when they have no idea what they're talking about, or worse, start assigning other, extra meanings to the words they're using incorrectly! [Case in point: urbandictionary -- hardly the best reference source on the intarwebz -- screwed up again.]
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Re: Your Buying Experiences

Unread postby d3vious_g3nius » Sun Apr 15, 2012 11:33 pm

If I get his meaning correctly, ruru67 simply views tight restrictive women's clothing no different then any other
form of bondage equipment. For his own desires! My occasional wearing of women's latex attire is at least for that
reasoning. As men's clothing is not typically "tailored" the same. And thus, it doesn't "pull" or "restrict" quite the
same.

Ya know Steph, for someone who doesn't like being told by others who or what you are, in regards to your fetishes...
you sure are going to great lengths to tell ruru67 who or what he is! ODD ;)

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Re: Your Buying Experiences

Unread postby Stu in Hastings » Mon Apr 16, 2012 12:08 am

Last time I bought some lingerie, I just said it was for a fancy dress party.
I then got some great advice on sizing, what colour suited best, asked what sort of cover in the way of modesty etc before getting shown what the shop had which suited my requirements. Basque, thong & stockings.
Gave them a bit of a giggle when they asked if I wanted to try on the purchase for size, and would I like a hand making sure it fitted and worn correctly.

If your not easily embaressed, does it really matter if the staff have a giggle at your expense. It brightens their day.
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Re: Your Buying Experiences

Unread postby stephanie_cd » Mon Apr 16, 2012 4:21 am

d3vious_g3nius wrote:Ya know Steph, for someone who doesn't like being told by others who or what you are, in regards to your fetishes...
you sure are going to great lengths to tell ruru67 who or what he is! ODD ;)


Odd? Hardly!

As a matter of fact, a LOT of my dislike of being told by others who or what I am, in regards to my fetishes, is a direct result of other people's inability to use the English language correctly -- especially when it comes to crossdressing! Just because there are a lot of terms, it does not mean that they're interchangeable, and one would hope that at least the BDSM community would understand that. Most of us understand that "submissive" and "slave" aren't interchangeable, but when it comes to crossdressing a lot of the world -- kinky and vanilla -- uses the wrong terms and perpetuate the confusion. It's the 21st century and we've all got computers and smartphones, so if we're not sure, let's look it up and learn and get it right.

As I've mentioned in other threads, it's especially irksome when we, the crossdressers ourselves, can't get the terminology right. "Crossdresser" is the broad, generic term that covers all the other sub-categories of guys in skirts, heels, and/or other female-specific clothing, and as such, it's a binary, "yes/no" sort of proposition.

It's probably not all that much different from ruru67's part of the world and the frustration that a lot of the rest of the globe can't tell the difference between Kiwis and Aussies!
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Re: Your Buying Experiences

Unread postby d3vious_g3nius » Mon Apr 16, 2012 5:27 am

No matter your logic, reasoning, feelings or verbiage he is allowed to have his own individual perspective on his kinky interests. Especially as long as he doesn't push his views as a "standard" for others. Which he wasn't.

I understood exactly what he meant when he stated "I'm not a crossdresser per se" and see no problem with it. It may be your personal agenda to straighten us all out, but I think you need to lighten up a bit. Your continued effort to try and force/educate him to admit, or realize, he's a crossdresser, to make yourself happy, isn't very productive. Most likely the opposite, counterproductive.

Again, he was making a statement about himself, which he is entitled to.
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Re: Your Buying Experiences

Unread postby pamelacd » Mon Apr 16, 2012 10:23 am

gaggedutopia wrote:
BondageBaby22 wrote:I will start: I bought 2 pairs of opaque tights and some fishnets from a local family owned shop. I was a little apprehensive and started to blush at the counter when the lady asked me why on earth I was buying tights.

And?? What did you say? :)

I think that is the biggest fear for a lot of guys. I have to buy a lot of women's clothes for shoots and I still have not found the nerve to do it in person... thank goodness for the Internet!



I've found that stockings and tights are the easiest things to buy. I go to a discount store for my everday type ones and never been asked anything. If I am, then be honest. "I cut them up and use them for straining varnish" and "cooking oil". Fact is that I buy Knee-highs for just those uses also !
I've found a dealer on Ebay that supplies my Cuban Heel FF Seamed stockings far cheaper than any retailer (about 1/3) and they are TALL too !
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Re: Your Buying Experiences

Unread postby seidenki » Mon Apr 16, 2012 12:06 pm

stephanie_cd wrote:As a matter of fact, a LOT of my dislike of being told by others who or what I am, in regards to my fetishes, is a direct result of other people's inability to use the English language correctly -- especially when it comes to crossdressing! Just because there are a lot of terms, it does not mean that they're interchangeable, and one would hope that at least the BDSM community would understand that. Most of us understand that "submissive" and "slave" aren't interchangeable, but when it comes to crossdressing a lot of the world -- kinky and vanilla -- uses the wrong terms and perpetuate the confusion. It's the 21st century and we've all got computers and smartphones, so if we're not sure, let's look it up and learn and get it right.


I have left another cross-dressing forum because the members couldn't distinguish between merely wearing women's clothes versus going as far as possible to pass as a woman. :-/

I cross-dress. I wear women's clothing. I wear a bra with padding, and skirts. They're comfortable and/or stimulating. But I don't try to pass as a woman. I'm really not interested in trying to do so. And I'm annoyed by people who assume the first means the second!

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Re: Your Buying Experiences

Unread postby ruru67 » Mon Apr 16, 2012 12:19 pm

Honestly, Steph, I'm not sure where you're coming from. Sure, if you want to apply a strict definition of the word cross-dresser as the noun form of cross-dress, then sure, I'm a cross-dresser. However, as a statement of identity, that interpretation is incomplete to the point of being meaningless.

I used the word exactly the same way as the Wikipedia article you referenced does, perhaps unwittingly, (search for "cross-dresser", not "cross-dress"), to mean a person who dresses specifically to appear as or in some way be like a member of the opposite sex. That's not my purpose in wearing the items I described.

Oh, and do take a squiz at the name of the group, "Crossdressing", sub-titled, "boys will be girls".

I don't have a strong gender identity; I don't feel the need to embrace it or rebel against my gender, and gender does not form a significant part of my kink. By saying, "I'm not a cross-dresser", I'm flagging that, given that this is a thread in a cross-dressing group about buying clothes for the specific purpose of cross-dressing, I may not be looking at it the same way as other participants in the thread.

So what are you trying to achieve by being so (unnecessarily) pedantic? If you're trying to suggest that my kink is your kink (at least the cross-dressing aspect of it), you're barking up the wrong tree. If you're trying to suggest I should embrace the cross-dressing side of my kink, that is neither necessary nor welcome.

I own who I am. I don't need acceptance or instruction. After living with being kinky for four decades one thing I've learned is that trying to fit into others' expectations and assumptions, or projecting such on others, is both pointless and dishonest.
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Re: Your Buying Experiences

Unread postby stephanie_cd » Mon Apr 16, 2012 6:02 pm

d3vious_g3nius wrote:No matter your logic, reasoning, feelings or verbiage he is allowed to have his own individual perspective on his kinky interests. Especially as long as he doesn't push his views as a "standard" for others. Which he wasn't.

I understood exactly what he meant when he stated "I'm not a crossdresser per se" and see no problem with it.

Of course he's allowed to have his own individual perspective and views on his kink -- I'm simply saying "use the right word(s) to describe it." I'm glad that YOU understood exactly what he meant by "I'm not a crossdresser per se"; I found it confusing at best, and disingenous at worst*, and prefer to minimize the confusion surrounding the term.

seidenki wrote:I have left another cross-dressing forum because the members couldn't distinguish between merely wearing women's clothes versus going as far as possible to pass as a woman. :-/

I cross-dress. I wear women's clothing. I wear a bra with padding, and skirts. They're comfortable and/or stimulating. But I don't try to pass as a woman. I'm really not interested in trying to do so. And I'm annoyed by people who assume the first means the second!

In case nobody's guessed by now, I'm extremely annoyed by it too! We've got other words in the English language for those who DO try to pass as women, like "transvestite" and "female impersonator" -- and we've got even more words for crossdressers who engage in other activities.

I like to wear women's clothes, mostly around the house. Therefore, I'm a crossdresser. At times, mostly years ago, I've added a wig and makeup and gone out in public, so I'm a semi-retired transvestite, too, but I've grown very annoyed by people who try to attribute other meanings or behaviors to those actions.

To quote wikipedia again, cross-dressing "...denotes an action or a behavior without attributing or proposing causes for that behavior. Some people automatically connect cross-dressing behavior to transgender identity or sexual, fetishist, and homosexual behavior, but the term cross-dressing itself does not imply any motives."

*"I'm not a crossdresser per se" -- or "I'm not a part of the big group per se" -- sounded to me like an attempt to distance himself from the rest of us who may (or may not) have any other motives for our hobby.

ruru67 wrote:I used the word exactly the same way as the Wikipedia article you referenced does, perhaps unwittingly...to mean a person who dresses specifically to appear as or in some way be like a member of the opposite sex.

This seems to be the heart of the problem. The article refererenced says "Cross-dressing is the act of wearing clothing and other accoutrement commonly associated with the opposite sex within a particular society." We've got different words for those who dress "specifically to appear as or in some ways to be like a member of the opposite sex" -- which wikipedia lists under "Varieties."

ruru67 wrote:Oh, and do take a squiz at the name of the group, "Crossdressing", sub-titled, "boys will be girls".

It's a brand-new sub-forum, and I originally took tagline as a light-hearted play on "boys will be boys." If other people think that's assigning other behaviors to crossdressing, we can change it in a hurry!

ruru67 wrote:By saying, "I'm not a cross-dresser", I'm flagging that, given that this is a thread in a cross-dressing group about buying clothes for the specific purpose of cross-dressing, I may not be looking at it the same way as other participants in the thread.

What other way could you possibly be looking at "buying clothes for the specific purpose of cross-dressing" than the purpose of wearing them? Are you trying to say that the rest of us are buying them in order to pass as women when (statistically) most of us are not?

ruru67 wrote:So what are you trying to achieve by being so (unnecessarily) pedantic? If you're trying to suggest that my kink is your kink (at least the cross-dressing aspect of it), you're barking up the wrong tree. If you're trying to suggest I should embrace the cross-dressing side of my kink, that is neither necessary nor welcome.

I own who I am. I don't need acceptance or instruction. After living with being kinky for four decades one thing I've learned is that trying to fit into others' expectations and assumptions, or projecting such on others, is both pointless and dishonest.

What I'm trying to achieve is the use of the right words. My kink isn't the same as your kink (even if it sounds as though the main attraction for both of us is the bondage-y restriction aspect of the clothing), and I'm REALLY not at all sure what you're trying to say by "embrace the crossdressing side" of your kink. (If you think I'm trying to say "run out and buy a wig and makeup, and maybe look into gender reassignment surgery while you're at it," I most certainly AM NOT!)

It sounds like you're projecting other meanings onto "crossdressing" besides "wearing women's clothes" when you throw the "per se" in there. If we wear women's clothes, we're crossdressers, and all it means is that we like wearing women's clothes for whatever reason.

Hopefully we can all agree what "crossdressing" means (and all the things that it doesn't mean) and get back to "buying experiences."
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