Bottling It

Latest information for Gromet's Plaza, GaggedUtopia's Archive. Off-Topic discussion, suggestions and comments are always welcome.
Impulsed
Chair Bound
Posts: 73
Joined: 20 Jun 2009, 01:56
Location: North East UK

Bottling It

Unread post by Impulsed »

I'm just wondering if anyone has the same problem as me in relation to wanting to meet up with fellow kinksters but bottling it and failing to meet up.

A little about me. I've had a play partner (female) for about a year now. She's far more sub than Dom and bless her she can't quite provide the bondage needed for me to true feel out of control. Last year I got talking to a guy on another site who was a fair bit older than me who lives down south. He is gay and I'm straight so I thought things would have been really awkward but he was really respectful of my personal spaces. Ultimately he provided some bondage that I couldn't escape from and I loved it.

Since then I've talked to a few other prople mostly local about meets and what not. Ultimately I get really anxious and end up bottling my meets. I'm not the type that sets a time and place then no shows. I've just not set a date and stopped talking. (If I've done this to you I'm really sorry). I don't know what it is exactly that's making me anxious about meeting more locals who have similar interests to me. I with I could get over it and meet new people. I've never been to a local munch and I've tried several times to go. Even showing up to the venue of one just not engaging with the crowd and looking very vanilla.

Does anyone have any advice or experience you could share about how you started getting involved in your scene / playing with others.

LatexHood
Chair Bound
Posts: 84
Joined: 11 Sep 2011, 17:07
Location: Manchester

Re: Bottling It

Unread post by LatexHood »

I'll be honest..
.. I'm in a similar situation.

My wife isn't interested in any of 'this' sort of thing.

I've spoken to loads of people over the years but met very very few.
Mostly for the same reasons.
I bottle it.
Again like you. Never have I arranged a meet and not shown.
But there have been a few where I've met the person vanilla.
We've chatted, got on well and when we parted and I thought long and hard about it.
Bottled it and wrote back explaining that they were very nice but I was scared and didn't want to meet.

I've never been to a munch.
But I'd guess that the person who ran the munch you attended didn't do a good job as 'really' they should have been checking the room out and looking for any 'newbies' that they could 'hold the hand' of and introduce them to 'nice' people in the room.
I suspect I'd have been much the same as you.

With local meets... It's the fear of bumping into them on the way to the shops, or at the dentist or what-ever I expect.
It is for me anyway.
Again, I spoke to a guy a few years back who I found out lived just two streets away from me.
Far too close for comfort.

tiemeupalso
Hopelessly Suspended
Posts: 1333
Joined: 13 Oct 2005, 15:24
Location: Texas
Contact:

Re: Bottling It

Unread post by tiemeupalso »

i havent been able to set up but a couple of meets in years.i dont try to bottle it up,but i have gone to meet someone only to be stood up.

TiedupGent
Unfettered Newbie
Posts: 44
Joined: 19 Jul 2015, 11:23
Location: UK South East

Re: Bottling It

Unread post by TiedupGent »

Hello Team,

I have found that the best way to ensure successful bondage meetings is to move to a telephone conversation as soon as you are both certain you have "clicked" on email.

If the phone chat goes well then you can both move with more confidence to arranging the meeting.

I always make the initial meeting a vanilla meeting in a public venue over a coffee or meal. This allows you both to get to know one another in relaxed circumstances. It also gives you both the "get out of jail" card option if either decide not to proceed to the bondage session.

I have practise this process successfully on a number of occassions and then moved onto mutual enjoyable bondage sessions.

It is Safe. It is Sane. It is consensual.

Keep on Tying.

TUG :-)

Impulsed
Chair Bound
Posts: 73
Joined: 20 Jun 2009, 01:56
Location: North East UK

Re: Bottling It

Unread post by Impulsed »

So since I wrote this post last month I had another meet with the same guy I mentioned in the original post. He booked a hotel 20 miles from my house and I traveled up there.

We talked and caught up for like an hour before engaging in a session.

The session was fine but it makes some of the thrill I had from the first session I had with him last year. We had arranged to meet again the following day but ultimately I bottled it and didn't go back. I think it was because all I could think about were some of the awkward moments that kind of happened during the session that I kinda couldn't ignore. I was totally safe during the session just felt awkward a few times.

I think I'd be to shy to call someone that I haven't first met face to face. I don't really like calling people over the phone that I don't already know. Also the casual meet is a good idea but how do you both get over the awkwardness of knowing that you're both there ultimately because you want to tie each other up.

Post Reply