My girlfriend turned out to be a mistress

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My girlfriend turned out to be a mistress

Unread postby simple man » Thu Oct 20, 2016 5:47 pm

Good evening lads,
I'm writing from Italy and I choose this site because it turned out to be a nice place full of helpful people, along the years (my english is quite good but please forgive any mistake i could make). The topic's title is quite self-explaning, but I'll try to give a brief description of the whole situation.
My girlfriend and I know each other from hround half a year now, and our love story is the best one I've ever experienced so far (she is 23 and I am 22, just to know). She works as a photograpy-model and I told her quite soon that I am into bondage and kinks. she answered to have been introduced to the "bondage world" a couple of years ago from a photographer she worked with. we tried and enjoyed the experience, it was nearly too perfect to be true. but what happened next, you ask? two days ago, after a long conversation about our feelings she finally resolved to tell me the truth: she is not only a model, sometimes she accepts to be mistress (expecially when she needs money in a short time). what made me crazy was the fact that she avoided to tell me the truth, even after I told her that I'm into bondage as well!
Has anyone been in such a situation before? is anyone able to give me a piece of advice? I love her, but I feel betrayed and whorse I feel like I've been treaten as one of her "costumers", so far. and finally, i would like to be the only one, is quite selfish i know, but i don't know if it will ever be the same, bondage I mean, I don't feel comfortable anyomore.

Thaks if you read the whole post, i already feel better after writing it! (just because I'm a language student, how does my english sound like? do you find any massive mistakes? thanks for this opinion as well)
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Re: My girlfriend turned out to be a mistress

Unread postby captbb » Thu Oct 20, 2016 11:06 pm

If you're not paying anything, you're not treated as a customer.
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Re: My girlfriend turned out to be a mistress

Unread postby simple man » Fri Oct 21, 2016 12:54 pm

I'm worried by the fact that she plays a role, acting, as a mistress. she is not into fetish and bdsm, she resolved to do it just for money. Therefore I don't know if she is sincere and honest when we are having sex and when I ask her to dominate me (even if I must admit that I am the master most of the times). I repeat: She used to pose naked in front of many wankers and I didn't have any issue with that, what makes me doubt now is the fact that she didn't tell me all the truth and maybe she faked all the time with me.

I don't espect any astonishing and resolving answer, I think that I just need to talk about it to calm down.

Thanks for your time, I appreciate it.
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Re: My girlfriend turned out to be a mistress

Unread postby Leopard99 » Sat Oct 22, 2016 12:01 pm

When you're in a "difficult" profession it may be wise not to tell all immediately. Because you want to be judged for who you are rather than any labels that may be attached.

Many years ago, when you replied using pen and paper to newspaper dating ads, I made contact with a woman. I won't give any specific details as she would be identifiable. She told me her profession in general terms and that seemed fine, not obviously related to sex etc. Wasn't until 3rd date that she gave me full details. Turned out it was sex (and to a lesser extent kink) related. As things happened, it fizzled out before we got very intimate. I really understood her reasons, as I stated in my first paragraph.
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Re: My girlfriend turned out to be a mistress

Unread postby simple man » Sat Oct 22, 2016 3:00 pm

Leopard99 wrote:When you're in a "difficult" profession it may be wise not to tell all immediately. Because you want to be judged for who you are rather than any labels that may be attached. you are definitely right, indeed I did not expect her to tell me all the truth at first. But as a good listener in general and as a fetish lover myself, I didn't get why she waited for so long. However, after a long talk and some days to completely absorb the news, I understand that since she has always been indipendent she did not trust other people but herself. and the fact that she choose me among all of her former parters, makes me happy after all.

Many years ago, when you replied using pen and paper to newspaper dating ads, I made contact with a woman. I won't give any specific details as she would be identifiable. She told me her profession in general terms and that seemed fine, not obviously related to sex etc. Wasn't until 3rd date that she gave me full details. Turned out it was sex (and to a lesser extent kink) related. As things happened, it fizzled out before we got very intimate. I really understood her reasons, as I stated in my first paragraph.

I love her and this episode of sudden mistrust didn't change anything in my feelings, I just needed some time to recollect and calm down. I thik the topic is not useful anymore, because now I feel definitely better, but still I'm glad that someone answered giving good points to consider.

Our story will go on, I accept the fact that she is going to do this just for a short time, just to make money and then she will purse her dream to become a psycologist. and in fact this could be an interesting world to deal with in her future studies. And finally, after we talked a lot, I'm finally sure that what she does with me is completely different, from what she is paid for.

Thanks again to everyone, you have been very kind and helpful ;)
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Re: My girlfriend turned out to be a mistress

Unread postby One Pivot » Sun Oct 23, 2016 11:46 pm

Bottom line, you're uncomfortable. Thats enough. She told you honesty what the situation is, but you don't have to accept it, and that's fair.

In MY opinion, all that shows is that she really is into it. Maybe more than you are. Also, she's into it with strangers. That, specifically, is some people's kink. It doesn't need to be yours, but it is hers.

You shouldn't try to change her. That's a part of who she is, and she has shared that with you. If you're not ok with that, end your relationship!

I don't believe it should be misunderstood as disingenuous, or that she's faking anything. Simply, she's a professional mistress. That's her thing, and it has little to nothing to do with you.

It sounds like you're counting on her stopping. I think you need to accept her as she is, professional mistress and all, or you're going to be disappointed.

My girlfriend stripped many many years ago. I find it a bit funny, but it's never been an issue. You just gotta accept people as they are.
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Re: My girlfriend turned out to be a mistress

Unread postby Leopard99 » Mon Oct 24, 2016 8:43 am

Some of you may have seen the documentary "Fetishes" by Nick Broomfield. This is shot in a high end professional dungeon in New York. Both the ladies and their clients say a lot of interesting things and it's well worth watcihng. The bit that's relevant here is where one of the mistresses talks about how her professional life affects her personal relationships. I don't remember what was said but at least it illustrates the problem from her POV.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fetishes_(film)
http://www.nyrock.com/movies/1997/fetishes.asp
http://documentarystorm.com/fetishes/
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Re: My girlfriend turned out to be a mistress

Unread postby RAE123 » Tue Oct 25, 2016 1:49 am

I watched the entire show; Very informative.
I wish there was a place like that near where I live.
At a $ 1,000 a visit, I am not sure I could afford a visit.
I wish it would show more about just plane bondage sessions.
I guess I will have to get a BIG piggy bank and start to fill it.
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Re: My girlfriend turned out to be a mistress

Unread postby simple man » Wed Oct 26, 2016 5:59 pm

Sorry mate, you completely misunderstood the whole situation and this might be my fault, since I'm not an english native speaker and I might have explained badly.
One Pivot wrote:Bottom line, you're uncomfortable. Thats enough. She told you honesty what the situation is, but you don't have to accept it, and that's fair.
I'm not uncomftable at the moment, I wrote the whole topic when I was still shocked by the news and therefore I described as I felt those days. I've seen her recently (I forgot to tell that our is a distant relatioship, not that far but we live in different italian regions) and everything was fine, even better than last time, we enjoyed ourself and talked a lot, not only about this thing of course, but when she left yesterday I wasn't worried anymore. I barely thought about it since a couple of days after I posted this topic, to be honest. I definitely accept it and don't mind it very much.
In MY opinion, all that shows is that she really is into it. Maybe more than you are. Also, she's into it with strangers. That, specifically, is some people's kink. It doesn't need to be yours, but it is hers.
Sorry, but you are totally wrong. You don't know neither me nor her, so it's not your fault, but the thing is that she is a 23 years old living on her own, with many expenses and a degree to accomplish. She begun to pose 4 years ago, after a couple of years of many different jobs, because she desperately needed money and a friend of her was already into it. What appened next might be obvious for me but i just realized that it might not be so for you that are external to that particular world. Basically, lots of people take photography as an excuse to find ways to satisfy their kinks and fetish. After a couple of years and many negative answer to those questions, she could not find enough shootings to support herself and begun to accept those requests as well. Since then she quit various times and got into the job again only for extreme necessity. She feels unconfortable in that field, there are way too many perverts and wankers (even if we consider just the world of amateur photography, leaving out the one of fetish) and after a couple of months she needs to stop to avid crippling and deep depression. This is a period in which she had to go back into that world, but she hates it and is going to leave it again as soon as possibile.
You shouldn't try to change her. That's a part of who she is, and she has shared that with you. If you're not ok with that, end your relationship!
Now you understand that your statement in wrong, I'm not changing her and all of what I said is her own decision, I didn't ask her to quit or whatever. She shared that because she never told it to anyone, she is not proud to do that to maintain her house and studies and whenever she can, she takes other job offers. unfortunately, in the last few months she was not offered anything. anyway, i won't end my relationship, expecially not for something like this. I'm giving her all of my support, because I'm in love with her and this is the only thing that matters.
I don't believe it should be misunderstood as disingenuous, or that she's faking anything. Simply, she's a professional mistress. That's her thing, and it has little to nothing to do with you.
She told me she fakes, as she does when posing. It is not different from acting, but again I supposed that this was obvius even if it is not at all. And definitely she is not a professional mistress, just read what I said before. this is just a temporary work, she studies psychology and that is gonna be her job.
It sounds like you're counting on her stopping. I think you need to accept her as she is, professional mistress and all, or you're going to be disappointed.
Your opinion is very important, but I'm answering you to explain why it is wrong. Again, is not something I hope, it is a fact: that's a temporary job, restricted to unhappy periods of her life. What I fogot to tell is the deep and negative impact that all of this has on her, I'm not just a jealous boyfriend: she gets exhausted, having to do with this world. Of course I realized all of what I'm talking about now, after some days of reflection and long night talks with her. this has nothing to do with kinks, it is pure relationship "management" :) but since you answered I felt that it was the right thing to do, answer and explain all the complete situation as it is now.
My girlfriend stripped many many years ago. I find it a bit funny, but it's never been an issue. You just gotta accept people as they are.

I hope I have been clearer now, we are likely to find it funny as well once it will be past. as for now, I just accept it and give her my support. As long as she needs this job, she is gonna do it and I will try to keep her safe and give her some other kind of satisfaction, not only sexual one ;)
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Re: My girlfriend turned out to be a mistress

Unread postby One Pivot » Fri Oct 28, 2016 7:39 pm

Sex work is fascinating. Everyone is doing it just temporarily ;) I do understand the answer given.

I'm just stating that I believe it to be necessary to accept it may continue into the future, and going forward should be based on that. I wouldn't count on it as a fact, but simply as one possibility of a few.

I'm not passing any judgment at all. Some people would be thrilled to be in your shoes!
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Re: My girlfriend turned out to be a mistress

Unread postby simple man » Fri Oct 28, 2016 10:05 pm

One Pivot wrote:Sex work is fascinating. Everyone is doing it just temporarily ;) I do understand the answer given.
that's not sexual in fact, she is a mistress for those kind of people who want trampling or feet-licking. Her definition is quite explanatory: what I do is sexual just for them, not for me.
I'm just stating that I believe it to be necessary to accept it may continue into the future, and going forward should be based on that. I wouldn't count on it as a fact, but simply as one possibility of a few.
I understand what you mean, but I know that she is not going to do it more than needed. She feels uncomfortable and what's more important she hopes in a completely different future.
I'm not passing any judgment at all. Some people would be thrilled to be in your shoes!

But one of my issues, at the beginning, was exactly that one! I was thrilled by the idea of her dominating other men. I'd like too see her, honestly.
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Re: My girlfriend turned out to be a mistress

Unread postby BoundToWait » Thu Jan 05, 2017 12:50 pm

I would say you are one lucky bastard ;)

Seriously, she is a keeper. There are many possible reasons why she didn't tell you, like she was afraid you could tell anyone else she knows, etc. Don't worry too much, enjoy :)
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Re: My girlfriend turned out to be a mistress

Unread postby simple man » Fri Jan 13, 2017 5:44 pm

The situation evolved since last time. Now she is having a really positive feedback for her model activity and therefore the income is decent, so as for now she resolved to quit her mistress activity (which was becoming too stressful, her slaves used to contact her at uncomfortable times in the day such as when she was studying at the library or past 2am in the morning and one of them begun to ask her out outside sessions so she had to block him. I didn't ask her to quit, she did it spontaneously!). As for us: she never dominated me as she did for costumers and I'm glad she didn't because our relation is quite deeper than a paid session in which she is told what to do. And that's the point, I don't want to tell her what to do: I prefer her natural attitude rather that the "standard mistress" one. I prefer to see her naked rather that wearing latex, I prefer to see her aroused as me while se is down on me and not focused on how and when tie me up and gag me. So we resolved to cast all the fetish stuff away from our sexual life. If it's just for my pleasure, I feel uncomfortable and less excited.

If you say I'm lucky, you have probably never been in my situation before :)
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Re: My girlfriend turned out to be a mistress

Unread postby BoundToWait » Mon Jan 30, 2017 10:45 pm

Hey simpleman, glad to hear that! Now you can fully enjoy :mrgreen:
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Re: My girlfriend turned out to be a mistress

Unread postby simple man » Wed Feb 01, 2017 6:28 pm

BoundToWait wrote:Hey simpleman, glad to hear that! Now you can fully enjoy :mrgreen:

Actually it's true, she organized a sexy surprise for me and long story short I ended up panty gagged, tied with pantyhose and with another one over my head, to keep her delicious panties inside my mouth, while se was down on me. It was definitely exciting, expecially given the fact that I didn't ask for it, it was her decision and that's probably why I enjoyed it so much. Can't wait to see what she plans to do next, but as for now I'm quite focused on MY little surprise for valentine's day. Tons of rope are gonna be involved as she likes shibari above anything else, I think I'm gonna hogtie and tease her until she begs to be fucked (the fact that I am both her Daddy and her slave is not as difficult as I expected to manage and since she is no more stressed out by paying slaves she is becoming way more natural as a mistress as she is has always been as a slave). Moreover our "vanilla" sexual life has improved aswell thanks to this evolution, because she now feels to be really appreciated and beautiful, while as a model or as a paid mistress she has always felt to be considered as an object. Now she likes to show off, she feels more self-confident and last week she wanted me to wank in front of her while she was dressing up and I did it to show how much I appreciate her.
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Re: My girlfriend turned out to be a mistress

Unread postby BoundToWait » Sun Feb 19, 2017 11:29 pm

Sounds great, things are turning out well! Just imagine you would have dumped her...
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Re: My girlfriend turned out to be a mistress

Unread postby simple man » Tue Feb 21, 2017 1:11 am

BoundToWait wrote:Sounds great, things are turning out well! Just imagine you would have dumped her...

I would have never done it! I love her, despite this and above anything else (by the way she bought me a latex mask, now she seems to be more interested in making me her slave).
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