Sex and Bondage

[napy666]

Well him and I have been together for 1 year. And to this day he still sometimes brings up how he is frustrated that he doesn't get to have sex with me. I have again told him countless times, that we aren't going to have sex and he understands this, and is willing to wait, but still continues to bring up how he is frustrated about not getting to have sex. Hearing him tell me this on and off really bothers me. I don't know what to do.

[tiemeupalso]

dump him.it sounds more and more all he wants is sex.there is a whole world out there that has nothing to do with sex.you deserve to enjoy it.

[napy666]

dump him.it sounds more and more all he wants is sex.there is a whole world out there that has nothing to do with sex.you deserve to enjoy it.

To him, he see's bondage as a type of sex, its like why do you get to be tied up and gagged and then I can't have sex with you on top of it? That isn't fair, type of thing he is seeing and he doesn't like it. On top of, him wanting to be closer to me, by us having sex. But I stand my ground and I am NOT going to have sex until I am married, thats been my choice for many, many, years.

[Petrajane]

I fully agree with tiemeupalso, sounds like your boyfriend cannot understand the difference between bondage and having sex. It's a definite male thing, we want to have sex every chance we get. I'd be worried that one day he might take things further than you want when you are bound and helpless. He might think that you been bound and helpless is just your way of saying "I've no control, do what you want with me!"

Dump him!

[Franzia]

Wish I could be more optimistic but will have have to agree with Petra and tiemeup. This has been an ongoing problem for you and nothing has changed. And it's likely nothing will improve until or unless your boyfriend realizes that while there can be a relation between sex and bondage, they are not always the same thing.

You've elsewhere said he doesn't want you to roleplay either so I assume he doesn't know you're here, or even knows of the site, which could be unfortunate because he might learn something here.

[Stahlketten]

It seems like the same question came up a couple months ago.
It seems like this issue will not get resolved and keeps coming back in one form or another.
There are couples that simply will never work out.

My advice to you now is the same as it was a couple months ago: Dump him.

The only difference now is that a few other folks are telling you the same thing.

- Stahlketten.

[MsBehavin]

My opinion...

Dump him.

He's just not into bondage enough to enjoy it for its own sake and he never will be.

To be blunt... you're playing with fire. He hasn't broken your trust (yet) but is constantly pushing you for sex and by being bound you're putting yourself in a dangerous situation and one which could lead to rape.

[napy666]

Wish I could be more optimistic but will have have to agree with Petra and tiemeup. This has been an ongoing problem for you and nothing has changed. And it's likely nothing will improve until or unless your boyfriend realizes that while there can be a relation between sex and bondage, they are not always the same thing.

You've elsewhere said he doesn't want you to roleplay either so I assume he doesn't know you're here, or even knows of the site, which could be unfortunate because he might learn something here.

He has a profile on Fetlife but doesn't go on there, because he gets jealous of the other guys looking at the photos of me tied up and gagged, I did all the photos myself, due to me being into self bondage.

[napy666]

My opinion...

Dump him.

He's just not into bondage enough to enjoy it for its own sake and he never will be.

To be blunt... you're playing with fire. He hasn't broken your trust (yet) but is constantly pushing you for sex and by being bound you're putting yourself in a dangerous situation and one which could lead to rape.

He would NEVER rape me.

[napy666]

dump him.it sounds more and more all he wants is sex.there is a whole world out there that has nothing to do with sex.you deserve to enjoy it.

To him, he see's bondage as a type of sex, its like why do you get to be tied up and gagged and then I can't have sex with you on top of it? That isn't fair, type of thing he is seeing and he doesn't like it. On top of, him wanting to be closer to me, by us having sex. But I stand my ground and I am NOT going to have sex until I am married, thats been my choice for many, many, years.

But thats my concept, I like being that damsel in distress, getting kidnapped, with the kidnapper doing whatever they want. BUT I have rules and guidelines to my bondage play times lol.

[napy666]

Wish I could be more optimistic but will have have to agree with Petra and tiemeup. This has been an ongoing problem for you and nothing has changed. And it's likely nothing will improve until or unless your boyfriend realizes that while there can be a relation between sex and bondage, they are not always the same thing.

You've elsewhere said he doesn't want you to roleplay either so I assume he doesn't know you're here, or even knows of the site, which could be unfortunate because he might learn something here.

Well how would you feel, if you were him, and your girlfriend was role playing online with another guy? You wouldn't feel right would you?

[Franzia]

Fair enough- never having been in that exact situation, I'll try putting myself in his place. While I wouldn't feel quite right about it, I doubt I would flat out forbid it. I suppose that if the role play (or RP) didn't get intimate by involving sex I would be cautiously ok with it, with the condition I can monitor some of it. It would also help if I knew who she was playing with. For example, if it was one of the guys on this forum I might say, "Ooh, Whats-his-name? Been reading his stuff for years- so yea, go ahead!"

Let's try reversing the situation here: how would you feel if your boyfriend was a submissive who loves to be tied up, and yet also wants to hold off on sex until after marriage, while you desperately want sex now? And he role plays with other women? What is the best way you can think of to handle that?

[napy666]

Fair enough- never having been in that exact situation, I'll try putting myself in his place. While I wouldn't feel quite right about it, I doubt I would flat out forbid it. I suppose that if the role play (or RP) didn't get intimate by involving sex I would be cautiously ok with it, with the condition I can monitor some of it. It would also help if I knew who she was playing with. For example, if it was one of the guys on this forum I might say, "Ooh, Whats-his-name? Been reading his stuff for years- so yea, go ahead!"

Let's try reversing the situation here: how would you feel if your boyfriend was a submissive who loves to be tied up, and yet also wants to hold off on sex until after marriage, while you desperately want sex now? And he role plays with other women? What is the best way you can think of to handle that?

I would be accepting of him wanting to hold off until marriage to have sex and I would keep it at that. Respecting their wishes and never bringing up how I want sex. I would focus on the positives and what we can do, and be happy with that, because I am making my partner happy and I am happy that they are happy and I am happy with what we are doing.

I would not like it if he role played with other women. If he did role play with another women even if it was non-sexual I would not be okay with it. So I would tell him, I don't feel comfortable with you doing this and can you please not do it? Let us play together instead. And if he can't role play that well, I would just say, that is fine too and we don't have to role play at all.

[Handcuffer79]

How long have you been together? I'm asking so because if you have been dating for some time maybe you could considera talking about the possibility of marriage.

Living without sex is posible when there is a major cause for it. If that's not the case (and it doesn't seem), maybe talking about deadlines could help ease the situation. Thing that otherwise it may sound to him as "chastity ofrecer", and you seem to genuinely love him, so why not think about it?

[napy666]

How long have you been together? I'm asking so because if you have been dating for some time maybe you could considera talking about the possibility of marriage.

Living without sex is posible when there is a major cause for it. If that's not the case (and it doesn't seem), maybe talking about deadlines could help ease the situation. Thing that otherwise it may sound to him as "chastity ofrecer", and you seem to genuinely love him, so why not think about it?

Him and I have been together for a little over 1 year. We could get married, but we don't have the money to do a wedding, or buy any of the wedding items. and neither of us has a job, so no money to even buy ANYTHING. So.....

Putting a deadline wouldn't work, we have tried deadlines for other things and he didn't like it. It stressed him out too much. And he see's it as this, if he has someone he really cares, loves, and is perfect in everyway possible, and he knows he wants to have sexual intercourse with that person, he will tell them how he feels and that he wants to do that.

He has brought up how he wants to have sex with me plenty of times and each time it hurts my feelings. I want him to respect my wishes of wanting to wait until marriage. In return he can do other things, watch porn, masterbate, etc. But that isn't full filling enough for him. He wants more and he was sex.

He gets pissed off that he can't have sex and he knows I will never have sex with him, before marriage and he hates it. Even though he says he respects me and all that, but he still wants sex.

[stephanie_cd]

Him and I have been together for a little over 1 year. We could get married, but we don't have the money to do a wedding, or buy any of the wedding items. and neither of us has a job, so no money to even buy ANYTHING. So.....

So...a wedding doesn't require a lot of money or items. Plenty of people get married every day across the world in civil ceremonies: go get a marriage license and get married at City Hall.

Or, sit him down with a copy of Lysistrata (or last year's movie Chi-Raq) and see if he can figure out the similarity: in this case "no job = no money = no sex" so therefore the opposite might be true!

[napy666]

Huh? I don't get it.

[stephanie_cd]

Huh? I don't get it.

Which part don't you get?

The "weddings don't have to be extravagant" part or the historical/pop culture part that might require the use of Google?

[napy666]

Well I know what I want with a wedding and all that.

[stephanie_cd]

Well I know what I want with a wedding and all that.

Of course you do -- every girl wants to be a princess on her wedding day.

...which you're not going to get without money, or a boyfriend who has money, so it seems like a pretty simple equation: if he wants to have sex, at least one of you needs to get a job, in order to get money, in order to pay for a wedding!