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Leopard99 wrote:When you're in a "difficult" profession it may be wise not to tell all immediately. Because you want to be judged for who you are rather than any labels that may be attached. you are definitely right, indeed I did not expect her to tell me all the truth at first. But as a good listener in general and as a fetish lover myself, I didn't get why she waited for so long. However, after a long talk and some days to completely absorb the news, I understand that since she has always been indipendent she did not trust other people but herself. and the fact that she choose me among all of her former parters, makes me happy after all.
Many years ago, when you replied using pen and paper to newspaper dating ads, I made contact with a woman. I won't give any specific details as she would be identifiable. She told me her profession in general terms and that seemed fine, not obviously related to sex etc. Wasn't until 3rd date that she gave me full details. Turned out it was sex (and to a lesser extent kink) related. As things happened, it fizzled out before we got very intimate. I really understood her reasons, as I stated in my first paragraph.
One Pivot wrote:Bottom line, you're uncomfortable. Thats enough. She told you honesty what the situation is, but you don't have to accept it, and that's fair.
I'm not uncomftable at the moment, I wrote the whole topic when I was still shocked by the news and therefore I described as I felt those days. I've seen her recently (I forgot to tell that our is a distant relatioship, not that far but we live in different italian regions) and everything was fine, even better than last time, we enjoyed ourself and talked a lot, not only about this thing of course, but when she left yesterday I wasn't worried anymore. I barely thought about it since a couple of days after I posted this topic, to be honest. I definitely accept it and don't mind it very much.
In MY opinion, all that shows is that she really is into it. Maybe more than you are. Also, she's into it with strangers. That, specifically, is some people's kink. It doesn't need to be yours, but it is hers.
Sorry, but you are totally wrong. You don't know neither me nor her, so it's not your fault, but the thing is that she is a 23 years old living on her own, with many expenses and a degree to accomplish. She begun to pose 4 years ago, after a couple of years of many different jobs, because she desperately needed money and a friend of her was already into it. What appened next might be obvious for me but i just realized that it might not be so for you that are external to that particular world. Basically, lots of people take photography as an excuse to find ways to satisfy their kinks and fetish. After a couple of years and many negative answer to those questions, she could not find enough shootings to support herself and begun to accept those requests as well. Since then she quit various times and got into the job again only for extreme necessity. She feels unconfortable in that field, there are way too many perverts and wankers (even if we consider just the world of amateur photography, leaving out the one of fetish) and after a couple of months she needs to stop to avid crippling and deep depression. This is a period in which she had to go back into that world, but she hates it and is going to leave it again as soon as possibile.
You shouldn't try to change her. That's a part of who she is, and she has shared that with you. If you're not ok with that, end your relationship!
Now you understand that your statement in wrong, I'm not changing her and all of what I said is her own decision, I didn't ask her to quit or whatever. She shared that because she never told it to anyone, she is not proud to do that to maintain her house and studies and whenever she can, she takes other job offers. unfortunately, in the last few months she was not offered anything. anyway, i won't end my relationship, expecially not for something like this. I'm giving her all of my support, because I'm in love with her and this is the only thing that matters.
I don't believe it should be misunderstood as disingenuous, or that she's faking anything. Simply, she's a professional mistress. That's her thing, and it has little to nothing to do with you.
She told me she fakes, as she does when posing. It is not different from acting, but again I supposed that this was obvius even if it is not at all. And definitely she is not a professional mistress, just read what I said before. this is just a temporary work, she studies psychology and that is gonna be her job.
It sounds like you're counting on her stopping. I think you need to accept her as she is, professional mistress and all, or you're going to be disappointed.
Your opinion is very important, but I'm answering you to explain why it is wrong. Again, is not something I hope, it is a fact: that's a temporary job, restricted to unhappy periods of her life. What I fogot to tell is the deep and negative impact that all of this has on her, I'm not just a jealous boyfriend: she gets exhausted, having to do with this world. Of course I realized all of what I'm talking about now, after some days of reflection and long night talks with her. this has nothing to do with kinks, it is pure relationship "management" but since you answered I felt that it was the right thing to do, answer and explain all the complete situation as it is now.
My girlfriend stripped many many years ago. I find it a bit funny, but it's never been an issue. You just gotta accept people as they are.
One Pivot wrote:Sex work is fascinating. Everyone is doing it just temporarily I do understand the answer given.
that's not sexual in fact, she is a mistress for those kind of people who want trampling or feet-licking. Her definition is quite explanatory: what I do is sexual just for them, not for me.
I'm just stating that I believe it to be necessary to accept it may continue into the future, and going forward should be based on that. I wouldn't count on it as a fact, but simply as one possibility of a few.
I understand what you mean, but I know that she is not going to do it more than needed. She feels uncomfortable and what's more important she hopes in a completely different future.
I'm not passing any judgment at all. Some people would be thrilled to be in your shoes!
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