Start with bondage

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Start with bondage

Unread postby erik40 » Mon Jan 11, 2021 6:58 pm

For a long time I have the fantasy/desire to be bound or chained for some hours.

I am a heterosexual man, but for me it does not matter if I would be restrained by a man or woman, as long no sex is involved.

I don't know people in real life who like this. So I got in contact with internet. I got in contact (online) with an older man that like to restrain me. I got some chats with him, he likes to restrain someone without sex, and I have a positive feeling. Most important, I find someone I can trust. Safety is of course very important. That's the reason I am very careful.

I have some questions:
- Do you have advice/tips to assess whether someone can be trusted?
- What is a good length of time to be restrained for the first time? Long term bondage excites me, but what is sensible for the first time?
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Re: Start with bondage

Unread postby boundBinder » Tue Jan 12, 2021 6:50 pm

Your own safety should be your primary concern. This "hobby" that we all share can make us make poor decisions.

First and foremost, meet someplace VERY public. Do this more than once, so you can get a feeling about them. Next, I would advise meeting someplace a little more private, so that you can talk discreetly, but still in public, and discuss what you both hope to get out of your acquaintance, and detail exactly what the expectations are, and also what the hard limits are. Hopefully that will give you a starting point.

What part of the world, do you live in?

Keep us posted, how things go for you.
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Re: Start with bondage

Unread postby erik40 » Fri Feb 26, 2021 2:06 am

boundBinder wrote:Your own safety should be your primary concern. This "hobby" that we all share can make us make poor decisions.

First and foremost, meet someplace VERY public. Do this more than once, so you can get a feeling about them. Next, I would advise meeting someplace a little more private, so that you can talk discreetly, but still in public, and discuss what you both hope to get out of your acquaintance, and detail exactly what the expectations are, and also what the hard limits are. Hopefully that will give you a starting point.

What part of the world, do you live in?

Keep us posted, how things go for you.

The Netherlands
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Re: Start with bondage

Unread postby erik40 » Fri Feb 26, 2021 2:15 am

Because of covid, not so much happened last weeks.

I have some interesting contacts, but completely different. Both of them want to get acquainted, before doing bondage.

One man who would like to lock me up in metal cuffs and chains for one hour. Condition: Once the cuffs are on, I would be released before the hour is over. No possibility to stop earlier. Reason for that is that I will have no other choice than surrender. We already got in contact this autumn, but because doesn't want to meet until covid is less.

Recently I got in contact with another man. He has also metal cuffs and chains, but he wants to lock me up for 12 hours. But there will be a safe word to stop immediately. 12 hours is very long. Reason is that it's a good challenge to really experience captivity.

I understand both, and both are quite exciting. For on the other hand, what is sensible to do. What rules/conditions are recommended for a first time?
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Re: Start with bondage

Unread postby boundBinder » Fri Feb 26, 2021 7:46 pm

erik40 wrote:Because of covid, not so much happened last weeks.

I have some interesting contacts, but completely different. Both of them want to get acquainted, before doing bondage.

One man who would like to lock me up in metal cuffs and chains for one hour. Condition: Once the cuffs are on, I would be released before the hour is over. No possibility to stop earlier. Reason for that is that I will have no other choice than surrender. We already got in contact this autumn, but because doesn't want to meet until covid is less.

Recently I got in contact with another man. He has also metal cuffs and chains, but he wants to lock me up for 12 hours. But there will be a safe word to stop immediately. 12 hours is very long. Reason is that it's a good challenge to really experience captivity.

I understand both, and both are quite exciting. For on the other hand, what is sensible to do. What rules/conditions are recommended for a first time?


If you've never done this before, 12 hours is extreme. Be careful.
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Re: Start with bondage

Unread postby Stahlketten » Fri Feb 26, 2021 8:27 pm

I would say that a reasonable duration for a first time in bondage is about two hours.
It takes about an hour to really get into the "mood" in my opinion. Either you will love it or hate it but either way, another hour isn't that hard to stand. 12 hours is a bit too much for a first time.

Make sure that you arrange for a friend to know that you will need to check in after the session as an "all clear" and that your play partner knows about the arrangement. Make sure there is a margin to make sure there are no accidental calls to the police or anything. One way is to leave a note at your house with your location if you do not want your friend to know the details.
Make sure your play partner is aware of the arrangement to make sure he doesn't get any fancy ideas.
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Re: Start with bondage

Unread postby erik40 » Mon Mar 29, 2021 10:21 am

I think you are right about that 12 hours. I won't do that. 2 hours is a good start I suppose.

Another dilemma is the safeword. Some people will always use that, and I think that is a good idea. Some people wont use it because they think it is not needed when only bondage is done and that the prisoner can use it without emergency only to get released earlier.

I think one of the most important rules is that it is not possible to get released before the agreed time. But having a safe word is also wise. How to prevent misuse of the safeword?
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Re: Start with bondage

Unread postby boundBinder » Mon Mar 29, 2021 6:43 pm

erik40 wrote:I think you are right about that 12 hours. I won't do that. 2 hours is a good start I suppose.

Another dilemma is the safeword. Some people will always use that, and I think that is a good idea. Some people wont use it because they think it is not needed when only bondage is done and that the prisoner can use it without emergency only to get released earlier.

I think one of the most important rules is that it is not possible to get released before the agreed time. But having a safe word is also wise. How to prevent misuse of the safeword?


Just my own, personal opinion, here:

The safeword/safe signal should always, always, ALWAYS be held absolutely sacred. There is no "misuse" of it. If the 'prisoner' uses it, even if they "simply want out", then it should be respected, full stop. A top that ignores the agreed-upon safe signal should not be trusted with your safety a second time. If you use your safe signal just because you "just want out", then it's ultimately your own enjoyment you're cutting short.
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Re: Start with bondage

Unread postby Tesgri » Mon Mar 29, 2021 11:12 pm

boundBinder wrote:Just my own, personal opinion, here:

The safeword/safe signal should always, always, ALWAYS be held absolutely sacred. There is no "misuse" of it. If the 'prisoner' uses it, even if they "simply want out", then it should be respected, full stop. A top that ignores the agreed-upon safe signal should not be trusted with your safety a second time. If you use your safe signal just because you "just want out", then it's ultimately your own enjoyment you're cutting short.


I disagree.. on the grounds that you missed a few "always" there. Hehehe.

Safewords are paramount, anyone who ignores one should be avoided at all costs.
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